Just Thinking, which is always Dangerous

For the past week I have been contemplating the real purpose of blogging. It's no doubt different for each person but there is some common thread I think.
In true human form, I read other folks blogs and tend to measure myself up to theirs. Some are so pretty, lovely colors, all sorts of do dads to catch the attention. Pictures and happenings that look right out of some glossy magazine. I am in awe and find myself thinking, "no wonder they get so many comments". Of course this is pretty normal behavior, not that its the best, but most of us suffer from this need to measure up in some way or another.
We do blog so we can share a part of our life that we value and want some appreciation and perhaps validation by way of comments on these important aspects of our lives.It could be your abilities with recipes, knitting, sewing, quilting, decorating your home, raising children, taking tea, doing things the old fashioned way, politics, the kind of food you eat or just simply your thoughts. It is human nature to want to share what is important to us. Woman maybe more than men. My husband does not seem to need the same amount of validation I need and I have observed this with the other men folk I know.
Women have for centuries done wonderful handwork that we can be known far and wide for, or cooked delightful foods that temp all those who come to our table. It is what many of us strive for, to be known for our talents. Again, I am not saying this is a bad thing, just stating what I have observed.
(I hate, yes strongly dislike having to write things like that last line, but ...there are a few who are looking for areas to take issue with me on and I don't want to go there).
I suspect blogging is just another modern way to get some praise for the things we hold dear.
Women like to measure themselves against other women. We dress to look as good, if not better than what we see in magazines or television. We want to turn heads. If we didn't care to turn heads, we would probably shoot for comfort over looks and there is nothing comfortable about high heels and walking a long distance. Even if you are dressing in long jumpers or cape dresses, you still get attention and like to hear someone say, "what pretty fabric" or "what a pretty blouse". No one picks the ugliest fabric on purpose.
We make delicacies, hoping to please and to hear after it is consumed, that the food was outstanding, better than anything they have ever had.
It is almost as if we find value in ourselves from our accomplishments. Our quilts are extraordinary, our knitting beyond what anyone else's is, or at least as good. Not many of us share our blunders , the corners that don't match up. The knitting that is wonky. The recipes we have burned are not carefully photographed. Again, natural. I personally don't care to show you the things that didn't come out good. I suspect that is true even with our children. No one talks with puffed out chest about their drug dealer child in his stripped prison Pajama's and brags about what a fine job they did raising him/her. That's when we ask for prayer, for us to handle them and for them to straighten up and fly right.

Not long ago, I learned a strange lesson. I know full well all my faults. Naturally I try to minimalize them to myself, or make excuses, but I know they are there. My sister often jokes about my healthy ego. I know where this false bravado of mine comes from and I don't like that I have it. It's something I work to change. So the next time she jokingly said something in reference to it, I simply said, "yeah I am like that and I don't like it and am working hard to change it. " She was taken aback by my comment and then tried to play down that its really a problem.
You see, we are so accustomed to showing only our best side to the world that when we do show or admit a problem, a botched craft etc, people are uncomfortable and are left with nothing to say. That is when we hear, "oh its not that bad " when we full well know it is.
I think my blog is sometimes like that. Too honest, too open about the worlds less than best side.
Good old Dr Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge" but gosh, that sort of thing is only found in self help books and magazines that have only a few readers. Does it deserve a spot in Blogland.
I don't think we need to show our mistakes in glossy photos or share all our faults, talk about a downer ! But, we also need to not set ourselves up for discouragement by always trying to be perfect, better than or measuring ourselves against what is often a one sided photograph. No one has a perfect life or never makes mistakes. We need to realize that. We are looking at what people want us to see, be it in blogging, in books, T.V. magazines or whatever, it probably isn't the entire picture.
I pretty much feel like my life is just about perfect, but there are the "just abouts", that make it normal.
We adopted two boys, one is wonderful, the other a mess and went back to his bio-parents where he lives for smoking pot. I don't share about him much. It feels like a failure that we couldn't reach him, help him see his true value. He was a wounded child, and could never seem to find his way past that. He is bright, articulate, but doesn't believe that he has the inertia to become something more than where he is now. He is violent and scary.
So sharing about him feels less than pretty. From my standpoint, I feel we failed him because we could never get him to see that the work it takes to stay on the right side of the law was best. Plus, we wonder, was there more we could have done. I doubt it, we did everything imaginable but, still.
And I know he has failed himself which is so very sad.
Talking about him is depressing. Reading about it is even more depressing. No one wants that much real life, the stuff that makes us have to use the phrase, ALMOST perfect.
I tend to want to solve all the mysteries to life, figure out the hard stuff. Wonder why we don't help each other more. Give what we don't need to those that have nothing, no care with how they got there. I wonder why we say nasty things, act without compassion and kindness. I bring up the less than perfect stuff about humanity, question our goals and our needs, as opposed to our wants and what will really count in the end. So putting all this together, I realized why I don't get the zillion comments on my blog and today its ok. that I don't. I am not trying to sell a glossy magazine, its just something stuck in the philosophy section of the store, where so few shop : )
My ego is just going to have to take a back seat for now and that's just fine, its what I need (very big grin).

Geodes and Tea on the window sil



Comments

Anonymous said…
I'm not sure if I have commented on your blog before, but I do look forward to reading it. I appreciate that you share a "glimpse" of your life and your beautiful photography. I also appreciate your honesty and posts like this one.
Anonymous said…
I also am wondering if it's even possible to be too honest.

Honesty and simplicity are Morning Ramble's trademarks, don't you think?

Blogging gives me a lot of motivation. I doubt I would finish (or start) many projects around the home if I didn't have people who wanted to see the outcome.
Anonymous said…
Patty,

Do not change a thing about what you write about in your Morning Ramble Blog for it is one of the most insightful, honest and REAL blogs that I read, and I read many. I have wanted to respond so many times.

You are digging into your heart-well and sharing with all of us, what it truly means to live a simple life in a complex world. Your spirituality shines from every page and I am not speaking of sheer Christianity or Bible reading. I am a former Catholic who has found my spirtuality from reading words from many other religions. My spirituality is one with the ancients in harmony with nature and I find that I can be moved, words can resonate with me from all faiths.

Your writing moves me, not only in this Blog but in your other blog, Daily Wanderer as well. You are a very well read woman and your life wisdom is evident even when you are speaking of the ordinary extrordinary events that color your daily life. Your words are genuine and speak to me so eloquently, telling me of a woman who cares about her family, her community, her faith.

Just as you nourish your family with your many gifts, each day when I read your blog and it is a daily event for me along with the blessing ritual that I do every morning, I receive nourishment from your words.

Continue sharing your many gifts with us for you are a rare and special treasure.
Patty, Yours is the first blog I read every day. I like to know that Melanie is doing fine. I've never met you in person but I feel like I know you, and I am interested in what you say and show us. That means I like you, just the way you are.

We are all our own worst critics, perhaps the reason we blog is to gain approval and acceptance.

I like to visit blogland and see beautiful pictures, perhaps its a form of escapism, it is certainly the best way I know to meet interesting people.
smilnsigh said…
My thoughts...

I think that each of us does our on-line Journaling, in our own way. And each of us have that right. We reveal what we choose. Just as we read others, which we choose to read.

I think that the only person who doesn't care if his/her words are being read, is the one who Journals in pen/ink on paper, in a private book. Therefore, all of us who Net-Journal, love to receive comments.

I think that to get more comments, on our own choice of Journaling, requires us to find others, who tend to do similar. To read them, and to comment in them. This way, we build up a sort of group of like minded individuals. Who are seeking, what we are giving.

When I began this part of my Blogging Life, I was looking for a safe, warm, cozy haven.
For years now, I've had other Journaling places, for harder topics, and they were wearing on me.

It took a while to find what I was looking for. But one found, led to another and another and another. Now I have *way too many*! -smile-

I sought warm, cozy, pretty places and so... I developed this style for myself. I DO love all these things! I just didn't have a place to share them, before.

Your choice of Journaling is a lot more thoughtful and deep, than my 'smilnsigh' is. Keep doing exactly what you choose, my Dear! Please do! Please may we all do with our Journaling, exactly what feels right to us and which nourishes us.

I love a lot of "pretty, pretty," and I try for it, in this 'smilnsigh' Blog. I also read many, which do not work that hard, on "pretty, pretty." People don't always want just _one_ style of reading. And I still have my own older Journaling venues.

I don't see you as wanting different places to Journal. And that is fine! I only mention it, to try to make you understand, my emphasis on "pretty, pretty" in 'smilnsigh.' :-)

No matter how hard I try not to do so, I always ramble on, in comments. Sorry.

'MN'
smilnsigh said…
My thoughts...

That each of us does our on-line Journaling, in our own way. And each of us have that right. We reveal what we choose. Just as we read others, which we choose to read.

That the only person who doesn't care if his/her words are being read, is the one who Journals in pen/ink on paper, in a private book. Therefore, all of us who Net-Journal, love to receive comments.

That to get more comments, on our own choice of Journaling, requires us to find others, who tend to do similar. To read them, and to comment in them. This way, we build up a sort of group of like minded individuals. Who are seeking, what we are giving.

When I began this part of my Blogging Life, I was looking for a safe, warm, cozy haven.
For years now, I've had other Journaling places, for harder topics, and they were wearing on me.

It took a while to find what I was looking for. But one found, led to another and another and another. Now I have *way too many*! -smile-

I sought warm, cozy, pretty places and so... I developed this style for myself. I DO love all these things! I just didn't have a place to share them, before.

Your choice of Journaling is a lot more thoughtful and deep, than my 'smilnsigh' is. Keep doing exactly what you choose, my Dear! Please do! Please may we all do with our Journaling, exactly what feels right to us and which nourishes us.

I love a lot of "pretty, pretty," and I try for it, in this 'smilnsigh' Blog. I also read many, which do not work that hard, on "pretty, pretty." People don't always want just _one_ style of reading. And I still have my own older Journaling venues.

I don't see you as wanting different places to Journal. And that is fine! I only mention it, to try to make you understand, my emphasis on "pretty, pretty" in 'smilnsigh.' :-)

Sorry. No matter how hard I try not to do so, I always ramble on, in comments.

'MN'
Carrie J said…
I remember reading somewhere a comment to effect that all bloggers have enormous egos, otherwise why would we believe that we have anything profound and worth saying or to justify posting these presumably profound statements on the internet for others to read and be enlightened by. LOL.
Personally I am touched and enlightened much more by what others write than the experience of sharing my thoughts. My reasons for blogging started out being a way to keep in touch with family and friends. I have found it to be a tool for finding and sharing with other women who share the same interests and hobbies as I do.
I don't know if it is the circles I move in or what, but I find it very difficult to find women who have a real passion for homemaking. Most of the women I encounter consider it a burden. Here on the internet it is a blessing to find those who feel otherwise.
I do not have the gift that you do to express my deeper thoughts. Mine usually come out sounding vaguely like Jack Handy thoughts!
I do enjoy your post and find that quite often we are on similar wave links. I wouldn't change a thing about it if I were you.
Nickie said…
me? I know im not perfect, I dont try to be. Infact, when I botch something up i even think its FUNNY, like the first socks I knitted. I messed them up, bad. I laughed, joked, showed them off and blogged about it. To be honest, I can't care less what otheres think. I'm not fashionable, I don't even wear make up. I don't read fashion mags, hell, i dont even have a tv, havent for years.
I think the secret to happiness is to quit caring about perfection. Were not god, we cant be perfect. Quit carring what the others think of you and most improtantly to have a sence of humor...the ability to laugh at oneself is the best trait anyone can have.

Be comfterble with who you are. Wear whatever you like. Just be who you are, not what the world wants you to be :)
Patty said…
Dear Girlgonegardening, Great bit of truth to your post, except I do care a bit about what others think of me. Not as much as some, this is shown by my some days never combing my hair, not shaving my legs or arm pits for years. Make-up, only when the mood hits, which is rare and only when I am feeling hormonally old.
Those things are not issues for me. I am not afraid of my honesty, I embrace it, but with a bit of concern as to its benefit, which comes under the heading of caring for the way it affects another, not so much me. My ego is healthy, just like anyone else in the world, one measures their own success to how others view it to some degree
Marcie said…
Patty,

Well, I've commented before, but am chiming in again to let you know I'm always reading. Perhaps you get less comments than some, because your writing is thought provoking, rather than chit-chatty. Make any sense? I'm glad to have family and friends reading mine, but I always feel like I am meeting a new potential friend when someone I haven't heard from before comments on my blog.
Shellie said…
Oh, I can so relate to this post. As I'm sure you've noticed, my blog doesn't exactly get tons of traffic, at least not the commenting kind and even the little I used to get as dropped off tons, but I still put stuff on there, just in case someone is paying attention. And like so many, I'm guilty of comparing myself with others. Over the years, especially since I've become a parent, I've worked to change behavior I'm not happy with but really talk about my disappointment in myself. We all have days when nothing seems to go right but if you look at much of what we share with the outside world, you'd think those days don't exist for anyone. So, thanks for sharing and gently reminding me of some truths.
Anonymous said…
I enjoy reading the Morning Ramble very much because of the honesty and the way that you lay out your honesty.

It is a very insightful blog and I enjoy reading it very much!

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