Just Thinking, which is always Dangerous

For the past week I have been contemplating the real purpose of blogging. It's no doubt different for each person but there is some common thread I think.
In true human form, I read other folks blogs and tend to measure myself up to theirs. Some are so pretty, lovely colors, all sorts of do dads to catch the attention. Pictures and happenings that look right out of some glossy magazine. I am in awe and find myself thinking, "no wonder they get so many comments". Of course this is pretty normal behavior, not that its the best, but most of us suffer from this need to measure up in some way or another.
We do blog so we can share a part of our life that we value and want some appreciation and perhaps validation by way of comments on these important aspects of our lives.It could be your abilities with recipes, knitting, sewing, quilting, decorating your home, raising children, taking tea, doing things the old fashioned way, politics, the kind of food you eat or just simply your thoughts. It is human nature to want to share what is important to us. Woman maybe more than men. My husband does not seem to need the same amount of validation I need and I have observed this with the other men folk I know.
Women have for centuries done wonderful handwork that we can be known far and wide for, or cooked delightful foods that temp all those who come to our table. It is what many of us strive for, to be known for our talents. Again, I am not saying this is a bad thing, just stating what I have observed.
(I hate, yes strongly dislike having to write things like that last line, but ...there are a few who are looking for areas to take issue with me on and I don't want to go there).
I suspect blogging is just another modern way to get some praise for the things we hold dear.
Women like to measure themselves against other women. We dress to look as good, if not better than what we see in magazines or television. We want to turn heads. If we didn't care to turn heads, we would probably shoot for comfort over looks and there is nothing comfortable about high heels and walking a long distance. Even if you are dressing in long jumpers or cape dresses, you still get attention and like to hear someone say, "what pretty fabric" or "what a pretty blouse". No one picks the ugliest fabric on purpose.
We make delicacies, hoping to please and to hear after it is consumed, that the food was outstanding, better than anything they have ever had.
It is almost as if we find value in ourselves from our accomplishments. Our quilts are extraordinary, our knitting beyond what anyone else's is, or at least as good. Not many of us share our blunders , the corners that don't match up. The knitting that is wonky. The recipes we have burned are not carefully photographed. Again, natural. I personally don't care to show you the things that didn't come out good. I suspect that is true even with our children. No one talks with puffed out chest about their drug dealer child in his stripped prison Pajama's and brags about what a fine job they did raising him/her. That's when we ask for prayer, for us to handle them and for them to straighten up and fly right.

Not long ago, I learned a strange lesson. I know full well all my faults. Naturally I try to minimalize them to myself, or make excuses, but I know they are there. My sister often jokes about my healthy ego. I know where this false bravado of mine comes from and I don't like that I have it. It's something I work to change. So the next time she jokingly said something in reference to it, I simply said, "yeah I am like that and I don't like it and am working hard to change it. " She was taken aback by my comment and then tried to play down that its really a problem.
You see, we are so accustomed to showing only our best side to the world that when we do show or admit a problem, a botched craft etc, people are uncomfortable and are left with nothing to say. That is when we hear, "oh its not that bad " when we full well know it is.
I think my blog is sometimes like that. Too honest, too open about the worlds less than best side.
Good old Dr Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge" but gosh, that sort of thing is only found in self help books and magazines that have only a few readers. Does it deserve a spot in Blogland.
I don't think we need to show our mistakes in glossy photos or share all our faults, talk about a downer ! But, we also need to not set ourselves up for discouragement by always trying to be perfect, better than or measuring ourselves against what is often a one sided photograph. No one has a perfect life or never makes mistakes. We need to realize that. We are looking at what people want us to see, be it in blogging, in books, T.V. magazines or whatever, it probably isn't the entire picture.
I pretty much feel like my life is just about perfect, but there are the "just abouts", that make it normal.
We adopted two boys, one is wonderful, the other a mess and went back to his bio-parents where he lives for smoking pot. I don't share about him much. It feels like a failure that we couldn't reach him, help him see his true value. He was a wounded child, and could never seem to find his way past that. He is bright, articulate, but doesn't believe that he has the inertia to become something more than where he is now. He is violent and scary.
So sharing about him feels less than pretty. From my standpoint, I feel we failed him because we could never get him to see that the work it takes to stay on the right side of the law was best. Plus, we wonder, was there more we could have done. I doubt it, we did everything imaginable but, still.
And I know he has failed himself which is so very sad.
Talking about him is depressing. Reading about it is even more depressing. No one wants that much real life, the stuff that makes us have to use the phrase, ALMOST perfect.
I tend to want to solve all the mysteries to life, figure out the hard stuff. Wonder why we don't help each other more. Give what we don't need to those that have nothing, no care with how they got there. I wonder why we say nasty things, act without compassion and kindness. I bring up the less than perfect stuff about humanity, question our goals and our needs, as opposed to our wants and what will really count in the end. So putting all this together, I realized why I don't get the zillion comments on my blog and today its ok. that I don't. I am not trying to sell a glossy magazine, its just something stuck in the philosophy section of the store, where so few shop : )
My ego is just going to have to take a back seat for now and that's just fine, its what I need (very big grin).

Geodes and Tea on the window sil