We All Want Some Control When things Seem Out of Control

Melanie has been playing the blame game over this situation with Mei-Ling being sick. I know this game well, been there, did that many times for many reasons.
We often blame ourselves for Melanie's diabetes. We moved to a town in Oregon that has a huge amount of Juvenile diabetics and shortly after moving there Melanie became diabetic. They were in that area conducting a study to see if there was an environmental connection. When my grandmother died, I thought for years that if I had not been such a lazy young person and woke up earlier in the day, I might have walked past my grandmothers room and saw her in distress and could have gotten her help.
The list could go on and on, some small things, some big, like the two situations mentioned.
Melanie has been saying things like, if I had taken better care of myself etc, only she took fantastic care of herself, then she says, "if I could have carried her full term, maybe the holes would have sealed in the womb". You see, we need to be able to have done something wrong in our mind, so that we can be able to ask forgiveness to God for such a wrong-doing and then we are pretty sure He will make it right. Work a miracle now that we have said it was our fault and asked to be forgiven. Think about it a minute....leaving things totally up to God gives us no control and we as humans seem to have a hard time not doing something. No rain for a long time, so people offered offerings to the gods to appease them and make it rain. When things were not moving very fast in the wilderness, the Israelites stepped ahead of Gods plans and tried to find a way that was tangible and made a golden idol to pray to. Something they could see, have a bit of control with.
We are an odd lot that way.
Now remember this one thing when reading this post, there is always a big difference between WANT and NEED. From shopping to worshipping, the difference between want and need is there.
God does not NEED us to ask forgiveness for our mistakes, sins whatever you want to call them. He created an entire world without our help. But He knows we NEED to have a part in each situation and that need is met by prayer, fasting, offering up things in the olden days, and even now, offering up our hearts. God WANTS us to do that too, but He doesn't NEED it to make things happen.
I grew up hearing phrases like, "God is a jealous God" and hearing Old Testament stories of the results of idol worship etc. They are ingrained in my head. Surfacing like a floating device meant to save a person in the water. I might try to push it down, even weigh it down with new more progressive thinking but those things are there, plain and simple. Surfacing in all sorts of situations.
Like this week, when I too want to be able to DO something for God to make Him see how badly I want Mei-Ling to be healed. A trade of sorts. To have a part in this picture unfolding regarding my grand-daughter. Hard to explain and my mind is going at 1000 miles a minute. You want something really bad, so you are willing to trade something that is a treasure in order to acquire this new thing. I have gone through my life, thinking of perhaps a "cherished sin", one I hold on to, not quite willing to surrender. I have looked through the house spotting books or even my new beloved Quan Yin figure. Oh yeah, that verse comes to mind about " I am a jealous God", has my owning this statue offended God, will He not hear my prayers if I have Quan Yin sitting on the piano ? Is it worth having it when it may impede Gods willingness to hear my prayer. But I love that thing, I got such a good deal on it, I have wanted it for so long......wait, that sounds just like the people in the bible stories holding on to their idols. Am I acting like Rachel, holding on to the household gods ? Is that why she had such trouble with having children ? Oh my....
You see thinking along those lines allows me to take some part in the picture...it allows me to have made a mistake, sin if you like, and then make it right. I feel better righting a wrong, gives me some hope. If I change, then God will be more willing to hear me. So I can do something. I don't feel so helpless, so unable to do anything to make the situation better.
I think God put this kind of thinking in us for us. Feeling helpless drives us to look inside, to clean up what we have gotten sloppy about. Its not about the ugly side of guilt, its about the good side of being pro-active.
For Melanie, she may be looking inside herself just like I am. She may be cleaning up the areas of her life that she feels are not right. I don't know but I can guess she is doing this. Our human nature seems to demand it. If we feel we are right with God, we feel more like He will listen to us. Devotion is that way. In a marriage, devoted couples always seem to be the happiest. When its on both sides that is. God doesn't NEED our help, but I suspect He WANTS to see our willingness to do what we can by way of devotion and our willingness to be more loving.
Just thinking out loud this morning...working things out in my head. I would be willing to change just about anything in my own life, (as long as it goes along with Gods word that is) if it would help make God decide to work a miracle for this baby.
I do know that this babies health has driven many people to their knees that have not prayed in a long time. For that we can see that there is often a silver lining in the darkest of clouds.

Mei-Ling under the lights