Stepping Back and Breathing in A Memory

Casi locked his keys in his car. I went through a red light. There is this numb sort of weariness that has over taken the family. Melanie has done too much, her incision is bleeding, has to spend the entire day in bed. Emery works, worries and keeps us all sane.
Extended family and friends call often, worry in their voices and so hopeful to hear us say soon that this sweet wee one is coming home, healthy.
As I was driving into town a couple days ago, I drove past a home that is owned by some Mennonite friends of ours, actually we have known this young man since he was a child and now he is a co-worker of Emery's. I naturally look at the house to see if anyone is outside so I could wave. I saw a sight that flooded me with a good familiar feeling. In the window, the young mother with two young girls beside her, evidently kneeling on the sofa under the window, looking out at the road. There was just such balance in the sight and it reminded me of me, with two young daughters beside me, one on each side. Dressed in calico, heads covered. I remembered those moments of togetherness, those moments so far away from what the rest of the world was experiencing. No television, no sounds except the clock ticking on the shelf, or some road noise.
Maybe the house was filled with the good smells of something baking in the oven. Maybe we had just finished reading some story together or had finished school work for the day. The girls I saw were young, so my thoughts went back to the time before we adopted the boys. I am not excluding them for any other reason.
In all the rushing to and from the hospitals for three weeks now, this little sight was as precious as the balm of Gilead. My soul was soothed.
Its not that I want to go back to that life, but just to recapture and cherish those simple quiet times that were so common in the plain life. I had no idea what was really happening in the world, no scenes of violence from the news filling my head. We idealize things in times of stress and maybe I am doing a bit of that, but it gives me some peace and a longing that will no doubt put me back on the road that leads me to think more simply. I will put on a long skirt for old times sake, stroll the land, care for the chicks and my new little duck. I will pick some roses and hang some clothes. I may bake some bread today, since Melanie cannot head off to the hospital to see Mei-Ling today. I will light my kerosene lamp tonight and read some. I just want to hold in my heart some peace and quiet in my newly rushed existence, that I know is only temporary, but still...its difficult.
Just a step back, a deep breath, a memory of where we were once, the good side of it. I am as you can guess by this post, just plain weary. Not tired, not lacking energy, just weary.

This is my all time favorite photo I have taken in my home. Just like the simplicity of it.