Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I woke up at 4:30 this morning, not ready to hop out of bed and face the chilly house, so I opted to stay in bed and just think. Thinking is a pastime, not just some random act that happens without control. We choose what we think about and how we think about each and every subject. If you worry about every little thing, well that is your choice. If you don't worry about anything, that's your choice of thought too. If you are a doom and gloom thinker, again your decision. I tend to think philosophical concepts when I just sit and think. I want to figure out mankind, figure out why people think the way they do, figure out what makes us seek what we do and shun the things we do. I want to know why I believe what I do, and understand why I question what I do.
This morning I thought about how we say to the world what is important to us by our actions and many times we are not even conscious of this. We do so many things on autopilot, without thinking. For instance, I suspect that by my weight I might say...oh this is a hard one, this is totally honest....to myself ! I might say that food is more important than my health and sticking around a really long time for my family. And that some silly bite of chocolate that has a taste that lasts on my lips no more than 3 seconds is worth more than my own good health. Oh sure one bit is not going to kill me, but its not just one bite that got me here to this weight. Its weight watchers today so weigh in is in front of me. But more than weight watchers, its that food in excess is taking first place and I didn't even realize it. I am putting it above reason, good judgment, safety. I never drive or ride in a car without a seat belt. That would be foolish and a risk to my life. I can't imagine smoking for the same reason.
Now some folks are like this with money, spending more than they have so then checks bounce, credit cards mount up, late payments happen, fees and fines, all because some THING has made them loose themselves. Some THING was so captivating that they loose reason and buy it when they really didn't have the money. Maybe they have nothing in savings for that rainy day or that emergency that could happen. Its harmful to your peace of mind to spend more than you should, want things so bad you make bad choices.
When we harm ourselves by our choices or make it so we hurt others by our choices, its not loving . It's selfish. It's self centered. Food is not a comfort, it becomes a drug when used to comfort, and like all drugs of that nature, we need more and more. Money is not a comfort either, and again, you need more and more to keep up the feeling. We don't need to impress our friends with fancy dishes or fine furnishings to make them think we are wonderful and successful. Those things will only be remembered for a short time once you mess up in your attitude or make a stupid choice. Food is food, not a relationship. I need to remember that. And the strangest part for me is, I don't need to be comforted. Maybe I needed comfort as a lonely teenager and turned to food then, but now, I am not lonely. But I hang on to that addiction whose root was dissolved so long ago when I met Emery and had my family. The need to over eat so unreasonable now. So outdated.
I suspect its that way with many bad or wrong choices we make. The real need gone, but we hang on to the habit that developed from it. Might be worry, anger, fear, eating, spending, wanting, feeling inadequate or so many things can be at the wheel and take us places we don't want to be going.
Time to take control, let God be at the helm for a while instead of ourselves, in our own personal hamster wheel mentality.
I am a bit ticked off at my mother for not taking care of her health, being overweight, high blood pressure unchecked and then passing away at 65, never knowing my girls, or my grandchildren. Not being there to answer my questions about how long to cook the turkey every year or to see who I am now, well that was her choice and I sure don't want over eating to take me early and have my own children writing the same words I just did. Yes, I know some of you will say, "oh don't be so hard on yourself" sorry, truth is not always easy and we need to face it for just what it is. Sure I exercise, have normal blood pressure etc but being overweight takes years off you life, so doesn't worry and stress. What are we giving up over food and things ? Life experiences, love, and time to grow more loving, walk closer to God. All big things !
We are a bit like the sheep and the goats of Matthew 25. Making good choices and not so good choices !
It is a silent sort of morning, sitting next to the wood stove in my rocker, watching the birds outside my windo...