Blogging


Today has been a day of self reflection. I like days when I can just sit, listening to music, thinking deeply about life in general and my own life, my direction, the places that cause me to loose direction. I like to think about the people that make me feel better when I am around them and think seriously about the people that drag me down and see what my part is in that experience.
The last year or so of my life has been full of changes, major ones. I am now a mother with no children at home. I am now a grandmother. I am now in my 50's which has been incredible. A place of freedom and yet there is this new, almost uncomfortable feeling, like an ill fitting shoe, that I am no longer invincible. Life has taught me that life is fragile at times and that things happen that you don't expect. I think more before I just head off on some journey. Things can go wrong, and when you are younger, you force those limiting thoughts out of you head. You just say, "it wouldn't happen to me".
I am not so sure I like this reality dimension, it stops me at times, believe me, not all the time as there remains within me a bit of this invincibility. Its like being on the fence of caution and adventure.
Enter now the world of blogging....that too has entered into my life in a big way in the past year or so. Its as though the blog has the reins at times and I don't much like that. I let this blogging business run the show some times. The other day I even thought about how the house looked for a picture on the blog, really folks it shouldn't be that way, blogs are not the chairman of the board, we are. It should be the house needs to look the way we want it to, not how it will look on the blog. I often refrain from saying what I really want to because I know it will bring in some heat or have me sure people will think less of me, you know...be judged by the masses in blogland.
You can find yourself crafting for the sake of showing it on the blog, cooking for the sake of showing it on the blog, living your life so you can share it on the blog. I am not saying anyone is doing this 24/7 and I am not saying its how my every move is thought out....its not, but if one thought or action is done for the sake of how it will look on the blog, then that means the blog is really at the helm. Not so sure I want to give any thing that kind of control.
Today I sat listening to music...varied choice as the CD's were changed. Aine Minogue, Phil Collins, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Loreena McKennitt, and finally Zen Tranquility. Mood music for me, each and every CD I played flooded me with emotions. I realized that I hadn't done that in a long time, sit and listen to music, lost in the tunes. The thief of these wonderful moments has been the computer, mostly blog related stuff.
I love to paint, but hate and I mean strongly dislike any commissioned work, it takes the joy out of it for me, it makes the creative process feel forced and art should never be forced in my thinking. Today, writing feels that way to some extent, except for what I am writing now. Blogging is bogging me down, manipulating me. Time for a break, that is if I can sever this addictive tie to the computer.
burning sage on the wood stove, while the sunshine filters in. I love the smell of sage burning
the woodpile in the house, our heat !

Comments

Christine said…
I find it interesting how I think up blog posts during the times I am not at my computer. The other night, I woke up when Stefan got up to look out the window. There were lights flashing and I thought something was wrong. Turns out there was a house on a semi being moved down our street. My immediate thought was to jump up and take a picture to post later in the morning. The only reason I didn't was because my camera is broken. Not being able to take a picture, I just rolled over and went back to sleep, I didn't even bother to look. It was like, if I can't blog about it, I just don't care.
Catherine said…
We all need a break from time to time. Sometimes we become so attached to the computer and the rest of life is just passing us by.
Isn't it liberating to reach the stage where being invincible is no longer a necessity (the way it was absolutely was when the children were small, for example! Not even interested in it as an option anymore. And blogging! That is a mixed blessing. As the Mama Bird likes to say, "too busy living life to blog it." And her other fav proverb, "Life gets in the way." I'm thinking what she REALLY means (from her current computer-limited location on a Honduran medical mission) is that "You can't let the blog get in the way of LIFE." In conclusion, if you want my opinion (and even if you don't...a lag in the blog does NOT indicate a lack in the life! So. Have a good break and see you when you take it up again.
Just wanted to say, "THANKS!" for the support you showed as I left blogging for more abundent life. I truly hope you enjoy your blogging break!

Thanks for the insight on reaching "invincible". It was something that I had never considered as a possibility and I have gained a lot of thought-chewing material from it.
Mimi said…
I think every one needs a break from whatever is holding them hostage, and at times that can certainly be blogging.... I have only been doing it since July, 2007 and I find that at times I spend way too much time...
and have to pull back for a few days... of course I work part time also so that keeps me off the computer...
I will check by to see if you have seen something you just couldn't resist the temptation to post... and I will welcome you back when you do determine that you have had a long enough break...
Lucy said…
take your brake Patty! You deserve it
MrsFranklin said…
I just recently deleted my account as I spent too much time, not with the posting but with the constant comment checking. I found myself feeling disappointed when no one visited my blog or left a comment to something witty or thought provoking! Talk about arrogance! Anyway, it was the best move I could have made. I will keep my personal journal on my desk, the old fashioned way.

I do have a homeschoolblogger account, but its funny, I dont check it daily and I dont look for comments. Its "different" than the other one. No names, no pictures, just thoughts about the curriculum we use and how its coming along.
Wow...isn't that the truth what bloggin can do to you..amen....I am almost always formulating a blog in my brain...or thinking ...or having my posts lined up so to speak.....
I don't know if this is good or not...think I am going to have to work on more balance..this is addicting would you say?
Deby

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