Monday, December 08, 2008
The Power of Our Words
This morning before I got out of bed I heard Emery writing out a note. I could hear the pen racing across the paper and hear paper being folded. Its our anniversary so I knew he was writing a note to me. We both love writing love notes to one another to share what seems to overflow from our hearts towards one another. Still, after 30 years of marriage we both feel that we have one of the greatest loves that the world has ever known. I can honestly say that in 30 years, Emery has not once said a mean thing to me. Now, I am no where near as good as he is and have on occasion called him a jerk, only later to see he wasn't. You know, the proof is always in the pudding and time always proves Emery to be wise and level headed.
I laid in bed this morning, thinking about what I would say on my blog this morning and I most often pray about what thoughts pop into my head to write about and sometimes I just frankly ask God, "are you sure you want me to write about that ?" and today was one of those days.
I would love nothing better than to share with you all pictures of my wedding and for me to spend hours pouring over photos and memories of that day, but they don't exist. Emery and I had to elope, all because of the power of one persons words. The night of my wedding I cried myself to sleep, bitter sweet tears. So happy to be with the man of my dreams, so happy to be his wife, but at a cost. I snuck away like a thief in the night, secret plans, at age 24 to marry Emery, knowing in my heart that my family would never speak to me again....that was the sad part. I had snuck all my treasured things out of my house in the weeks before we eloped, knowing there would be no way on earth I could go back to my parents house after Emery and I married. One person, just one very close person, told my parents that Emery was mean and had treated other girls badly. Of course it was a lie, there was no proof to this vicious gossip, there were never any questions posed to me if I had seen any of that kind of behavior. No one ever tried to get to know Emery any better, they just believed the lie they were being told. My parents never once talked to me about it, asked Emery about it, they just said nothing. When I became engaged and showed my family the beautiful watch Emery had purchased for me as an engagement gift, (because of religious conviction of not wearing jewelry I was given a watch in place of a ring, watches are functional) my mother never said one word, nor did anyone else in the family. There was no excitement for me, not even a quiet talk asking if I was sure of what I was doing. So instead of planning the wedding of my dreams, we planned to elope. I was so sick the day of my wedding, not from the flu like I told people, but from a heart torn in two. The man of my dreams, with the gentlest of hearts, a godly man, and then my family whom I loved so much, but who never would even speak to this man I chose because of what one person, so close to me had been saying. Ugly gossip with no truth at all to it. The night I got married I called my parents to tell them and my father cried. He believed the ugly lies, without any foundation at all. My wedding was painful for those reasons. In time of course my family came around and saw that what had been said was all lies. And here I sit, 30 years later, not holding any anger towards this loved one that said such untruths, but I still hurt from it. I don't have wedding pictures. I don't have happy memories of the most important day in my life. You see, the power of words, good and bad, can carry on for decades. Those ugly words said so long ago, hurt today in how they stole from me the beauty of that white dress I dreamed of...and of flowers and vows made in the front of our church. I see my girls look at their wedding pictures and get such pleasure from them and the memories of their special day. Steven and Priscilla too. I miss having pictures of my wedding on the wall or in an album. How I wish my mother had shared in the joy of planning my wedding like I did with my girls. Honestly, I tear up just thinking of what I missed because of words said with no foundation to them.
Please think of what you are saying to another. Please, seek truth above all else in what you speak. And please know that words can carry pain or joy with them for an entire life time.
I know that my life is blessed and that a wedding would not have made it better, but it sure would be nice to have good and happy memories of the most important day of my life.I have long since forgiven the person so close to me that told my parents such lies, but there will never be wedding pictures.
"A careless word may kindle strife,
A cruel word may wreck a life,
A timely word may lessen stress,
A loving word may heal and bless."
-- Author Unknown
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