My dear sweet husband came home and I spilled my woes to him and he said he LOVES my short hair, loves me in my new Yoga pants, and thinks we are moving on to a new direction that is good for us. So, now I feel much better. Maybe I will even pour myself a glass of wine now.
You cannot imagine the guilt one can feel while parting from a plain church. Oh my, everything seems to be a sin of some sort and I still feel like a chicken when I see someone from the community and want to hide. Ashamed of my slacks or my short uncovered hair. I wonder if they heard my radio on in the car. I suppose with my guilt, "this too shall pass." But guilt is a powerful tool, and I know this from childhood too as my mother knew just how to use it to her advantage ! Its gunna take some time to be comfortable in my new shoes. Maybe I should go buy some high heels !!!!!
So bear with me dear cyber friends as I stretch and grow and change. I feel a bit like a rubber band right now being pulled in a few directions.
As you may have gathered, I am an open book. No secrets, nothing that is off limits in the sharing scheme of things. Blogging is a journal for me, that I just happen to share. So, now back to the drawing board while I "find myself" what a hippy phrase but it fits.
I will light my little lamp, and loose myself in an old volume of Emerson. Surely that will help with the confusion ????
By the way, this weekend I will have someone take a picture of me with my new "do". Sort and sassy, that is what it is.

Comments

Jeanne said…
Hi Patty! We are the same age, though of different worlds ... but I'm also still trying to "find myself." I'll keep you in my thoughts as you work through this.
Hugs, Jeanne
Sunny said…
See there now, who do you want to impress, Em or some other folks? PS Hurry up with the photo.
Patty said…
Dear Sunny, Emery wins out. And tell me, when did I become such a whimp ?????
Finn said…
Sometimes the courage of our convictions seems to have to do battle..and it sound like one of those times. Your comment about everything seeming to be a sin of one kind or another rung true with me. A mantra that has helped me along my path, is "do no harm". And from where I stand, I can't see that your journey does any harm, dearheart, continue on, you'll find the balance.
Anonymous said…
The length of your hair doesn't make a difference as to how you serve God or your fellow man - it's what's in your heart that counts! Enjoy your new hairstyle :-)
Unknown said…
Patty, growth is a wonderful thing, God does not intend for us to stand still, as we change inside so we do grow. I still have cancer I am not in remission yet, I am going to have some surgery at the end of the month and will start a new round of chemo in a month or sooo..You are in my thoughts and prayers, I love your journal you inspire me..Hugs Tina

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