Overwhelmed by the beauty of life

This is one of those mornings when I feel overwhelmed by the beauty of life. As I sit here at the computer, my heart is so full. No, nothing earth shattering happened to make me feel this way, nothing profound, just life as it is. It's hard to explain. I feel so amazingly blessed, a wonderful husband, that I can laugh with, cry with, feel safe with, and feel a depth of love that I cannot even try to explain. I am blessed with children who tell me all the time what a good mother I am. I just blush and say thank you, but inside it motivates me on to be kinder, more generous, more loving to them. I feel so blessed that I have never had to work outside the home since starting our family. For Emery and I that was important. I quit work as soon as we found out we were having a child. I still love being home...it is a haven, and a fortress against the hard things in the world. I am sheltered from so many storms of life by the life we have chosen. But, yet within me there is still Independence and freedom, I am never held back from doing what I want. We are blessed to have what we need and most of what we want. I would want to see Melanie and Mei-Ling healed, but God has other plans, of which I cannot question, not in the way of I can't ask Him why, I just mean I have to accept His plans regardless of not being able to understand them.

I am constantly filled by the beauty of nature, of the colors, the scents, the shapes designs of things. And by the sense of peace that fills me from knowing God. Yes, I question his existence, I doubt and I chase after explanations of Him, but through it all, He is there, constant, smiling I am sure at my never ending childlike questions. I feel like somehow I got stuck in that stage of childhood where the questions are endless. God never seems to tire of the questioning and certainly doesn't grow impatient with me. I feel His fatherly smile and know that all the good things in my life are His gifts to me.

Daily, and without ever forgetting, I am so filled with gratitude for my good health, for all my energy and for the enthusiasm I feel each day for life.

So many things have filled my heart this day. The laughter shared this morning with my beloved, silly things, jokes and teases about my grocery shopping spending. The sadness of seeing him go out the door, I miss him the hours he works. He is my best friend. The note found on my keyboard after he left. The joy of this simple life and the years of living it. Of walking barefoot in the grass, freedom to be me. Its just one of those mornings when tears of joy flow.

I have had this hymn running through my mind all morning...

It Is Well with My Soul

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)
4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
(Refrain)