Phrases for Phases

I was thinking this morning about how so many folk wish their lives were different...there are some that feel like they are less whatever because they never had 14 children. I know others that now feel bad they never homeschooled their children and some feel bad they had television in their home....the list can go on and on about what we did or didn't do in the past, but holding on to the past serves no purpose. Doing those things is not what makes a good family. A good family is so much deeper, its more on how much love is in the home, how much the parents respect and love one another and God and give that as an example to their children. I know large homeschooling families that don't have good families and I know plenty of small non-homeschooling families that are amazing. The thing is, don't hold onto regrets and don't hold on to the past. I see that so much in empty-nesters. Holding on to the past, not embracing the now of life. The place that God has planned for them right now.

There are some that are past the time of having children at home and yet feel embarrassed that they have only grown children. As if they are less something for not having children at home and less of something because they are aging. They find themselves phrasing things as if they still had meals to plan or a house to care for as if things were the same as 15 years ago. Unwilling to let go of that time or wishing people to see them as still caring for children at home. As we age, we are blessed with more free time in some areas and it seems, less time in other areas. We are hopefully more wise, more understanding and our lives can be richer, fuller than ever before. Our lives change with the passing of years and this is God's plan for us. I say, embrace where you are...embrace the empty nest and fill it with new things or redefined things, different relationships with our children than when we were raising them... embrace the life you have now, it is just a new phase of life. Live in the present, not in the past or the future for neither are here.

I have found myself changing how I use the word family for instance, in this new time of life. Cooking for my family means that everyone is coming over for a meal, cooking daily is just cooking for Emery and I. Its been hard to retrain my words to match the job. Yes, Emery and I are a family of sorts but its just not the same as what "family" was in the past. It's been redefined and it seems silly for me now to say I am cooking for the family when its just two of us. Does that make sense? It's just it seems the phrases once used don't match the present phase. When I did sewing for the family that entailed lots of work. For the girls and I to have matching dresses it meant a nearly 12 yards of fabric to be cut out and sewn ! Sewing for the boys was hard and detailed work. I never did much sewing for Emery, it was easier to just buy his shirts at a thrift store and purchase his slacks. I am not much for tailoring ! Sewing now is sewing for me or for a grandbaby. It's just different than it used to be. It doesn't mean I am any less of a person or have a less important job because I no longer have children at home !

Life in the empty nest years requires a change in phrases for this new phase of life and also in how we do some things.

I still struggle with knowing how much to cook. I learned to cook for six, there were six in my family growing up, and then we had a family of six, so I still seem to cook for six. Good thing Emery doesn't mind leftovers ! I have tried cooking less, but I am not a recipe person. I learned to cook by look and taste and that seems hard to adjust size wise. Nothing ever looks like its enough when I try to cut the recipe down.
My mother and I used to talk on the phone and she would say things like, "your father and I" did this or that and then she would laugh and say how strange it sounded to her to just be the two of them after so many years of having children and my grandmother with them. I would have asked her who was coming over if she had said she was cooking for the family ! Just like my children would ask me the same question if I used that phrase in this phase of life. It's hard making changes but the changes are not bad.
Websters says a family is a primary social group; parents and children so it seems if I am keeping house for Emery and I. The word family has changed for the phase. Its "us" now and not the family that I keep house for : ) Sorta like we are back where we started...before the children were born, I kept house for "us".

How things change, but change can be good. We seem to be back to dating and that is fun.

as the pictures show, lots less cooking these days !