The Joy of Being You

It takes hard work to be real. It's almost like we are trained to be what we think other folks want us to be. We play roles, play games and can slowly loose who we truly are inside.
Religion plays a part in this. We know that acting a certain way, appearing a certain way, saying certain phrases etc puts us in favor or out of favor with our fellow church mates. We find out rather early in life that being out of favor is not a pleasant place to be, so when we don't believe just the same as the others or something is going on in our lives that is not up to the standards set, its just easier to play the game than be ridiculed, shunned or worse, ignored. Parents often put this same sort of conditions on their children. So children, instead of talking to their parents about their questions, their struggles, they just simply lie, figuring its just better to let their parents think what they want to think. The real problem with this is, that the children end up with no one to talk to about what is bothering them, except friends who may not have all the wisdom the parents have !
For the most part my children have felt pretty comfortable telling me just about everything that has worried them. To be honest, some things I wish I didn't know ! But, I value so much that they trusted me enough to talk to me about it. Many a time, I just took a deep breath and listened and gave advice when asked for it and just listened with a shoulder to lean on and a hug when they just wanted to talk.
As an adult I find myself wishing that my experience in my teens had been like my children's. Times were different and you simply just didn't talk openly with my parents. There were so many expectations of behavior and no room for failure. I just went along trying to figure it all out on my own. I rebelled too. Hated the phrase "because I say so" I wanted to know why. I still want to know the "why" of everything. I just don't blindly accept anything.
Blogging is a place where lots of folks just write and share what they think their readers want to hear. Blogging can be a place that fosters that "people pleasing" mode of character.
I am so well aware that many of my readers read this blog because they are interested in "plain living". And at times I find myself people pleasing in that direction, but the truth is, I am so so so very glad to be away from that lifestyle. Its stifling, its full of expectations that often rob a person of a personal walk with God...too many daily rules to deal with. Melanie told me not long ago that she thought living Mennonite was the most stressful time in her life. Why ? Because there are so many rules and you are just afraid you will break one. That is sad, but its true. It's a culture that spanks their children before they can walk and affection is not lavished on the children. A culture where perfect behavior is stressed and so rebellion is in the hearts of many, quietly eating them away inside. Even though, I once in a while wonder about the direction of my life, not out of conviction, but out of fear. I am planning to be more real and not fall back into that place of trying to please people by once in a while playing the part of a plain person. In each of us, there is a true, authentic person, a person that finds joy in life just where they are. Joy is not found in a life of many faces or in a life of unethical behaviors. Its found in being real and being kind and compassionate. In knowing where you belong.
There, I have preached my sermon to myself : ) It seems so black in white in print...