Nothing Feels Right Tonight
What happened today in that small one room school house in Lancaster county has deeply disturbed me. The horror of the crime, the pain of the people, the way this will change the community forever. The confusion from so many outsiders (English) being in the community. The loss of innocence from what the world has become.
Part of me wants to run to the hills and live so far from mankind that I never hear of such horror. I want to get rid of the tiny television we have and never listen to the radio. I want to run back to a simpler more sheltered world. I want to take refuge from the ugliness of sin. I want to be sheltered from even hearing of such craziness in the world.
Somehow this incident just hit me so hard. So unbelievably ugly was this crime against such peaceful, kind people.
There is almost no way for me to wrap my mind around the reality of it.
Tonight my eyes scanned the pages of my bible for some sort of answer as to the why of this. Of course, it is the result of sin, I know that. But why oh why were the children the targets ? We are all asking, why did God allow the children to be gunned down.
Its been strange for me today, part of me wants to run right back into the plain life, to grab tightly to the ways so opposite of the way most of the world lives.
Giving up "things" objects and even my voice to step back into that sheltered life where nothing like this is supposed to happen, but wait, it happened to the plain community. How wrong it all seems. All such acts are horrible, I know that, but this feels closer to home, or more wrong somehow to me. Even the news people seem to feel its more wrong that this happened in an Amish community.
It makes me worry about the tiny schools in the mennonite community here.
These people in this community need everyone's prayers. Their lives will be forever changed, profoundly. For their losses yes, but for more. They may never feel safe in the same way as they have for so many generations. They were always so separated from the bad things the rest of the world has seen.
Nothing feels right tonight, nothing.
Comments
A few months ago I had a very serious illness and all through it I kept having nightmares of girls, innocent girls both young and old, being chased or stalked or tortured or maimed or killed. The dreams spanned different time periods, some now, some ancient, and it was all the same horrible senseless pain. PAIN INFLICTED ON INNOCENCE. (didnt know my caps was on there till looked up, but Im just leaving it as is, feels right).
It hurts my heart in this way I cant even describe when I see folks talk about "karma" with stuff like this, or that "there is no attacker" (that old "we create our own reality" simplistic nonsense). Its just not true. Innocent people DO get hurt. Im so tired of the blame the victim mentality that I just want to scream. It takes events like this, where the innocence is just so incredibly blatent that noone can deny it, to wake folks up there to this in general, that there truly are so many innocent people, of all races and ages, that are get wrongly hurt and need protection, not detachment or victim blaming.
That is the only good I can see coming out of this, that lesson. Not that it should have happened or that there was ANY excuse whatsoever, but rather that it does offer that gift underneath as a healing balm. But my G_d, at what cost!
In prayers,
NADINE.
No one deserves that.
Take care,
Salina
My heart is so heavy today, all we can really do is constantly lift this up to our Heavenly Father.....
I, too, have wanted to run for the hills, to find myself a few acres in the middle of nowhere and hide from the world, to shield myself and my son from such ugliness. But I know that is not the answer.
We have a large Mennonite community here, and there are small one room schoolhouses just minutes from my house. I hope the wider community in Lancaster County does what they can for these families. They, and they community, need our prayers and our support. I hope their faith brings them comfort.
Jackie in ON