Iced Water & Hot Tea

After hanging up a couple loads of wash, it seemed the mercury was already climbing higher than I like, especially for October. Beads of sweat formed on my brow, it made me sigh. Wishing for sweater weather at least.
I came in the house, hot and sticky feeling. A nice big glass of iced water sounded delightful, but I had not had my morning tea so what to do ? Which to have first. I sat at the dinning room table with both. A contrast in beverages for sure. But it struck me, this little morning contrast at my table. Life is sometimes a bit like that, we have two things going on in our lives at the same time, that seem to contrast one another dramatically. The more I thought about this little lesson of life right before me, the more I saw that my life seems full of such contrasts right now. This is a stage of finding my comfort zone it seems. Rolls have changed. I am no longer in the same roll as mother. I have all these hours in my day for me time, its awkward and sometimes a bit uncomfortable. Sure, I love that Emery and I have more time together, but he does work 9 hour days, 6 days a week. So that leaves me lots of hours on my own. I am a busy person, no doubt about that. Not one to get bored, but still my position has changed. I have no idea how this time is for women who work outside the home full time or even part time .
But for me, I have created this ice water and hot tea environment for myself. Wanting to define myself a bit, but there are so many definitions available to pick from !
I loved my homestead life, and that is the most comfortable to me, the one most suited to my spiritual goals but its the life with the biggest reality check to the fact that life has changed with my children all grown and left home. Nothing homestead-like feels the same with them gone. But then trying to fit into some sort of faster paced life is not me by any means. Feels a bit like when I tried on some high heels not long ago. I felt and looked ridiculous !
There are aspects of me that feels like an old hippy, but then it feels silly too.
So here I sit in life, 52 years old, trying to fit into this new slot and each day feels a bit like this iced water and hot tea at the same time experience.
Part of me, honesty here folks, wants to just push all the old ways far far away, it felt so restrictive to this rebellious spirit I so tenderly nurture from time to time.
You know, walking the narrow path is not much fun at times and makes you feel like you are swimming up stream. Over and over I pray, O.K. God, could you just send one of those angels to come sit next to me, like you did in the bible times and have a chat with me about just WHAT you want and expect ? Could you tell me what's important and what isn't in the big scheme of things ? Believe me, there is no kidding or sarcasm in this, I really would like to know, once and for all, flat out, what are the details of the requirements. You hear a full range of answers from ministers and such. " Believe and you will be saved "
then another will tell you, "You must do this or that" and yes, I know all the answers possible. The, "salvation is through Christ alone" yeah I get that part, its just what are the other details ??? What is Paul talking about in all his books ? He says one thing here and another there. The Old Testament is so full of rules, 613 to be exact. Wow.
So today, there is iced water and hot tea. Two wonderful things but normally not enjoyed at the same time but right now, they suit.
I wish, and this is sincere, I wish I had been born, raised and stayed in one simple truth. But I was exposed to so many philosophies and paths, that now at this time in life with so many hours to think, its all a big ball of confusion as to what is right.
I could blame this all on hormones !