Quiet Sunday

I slept in late. Did some shopping with Emery, and then stayed in the rest of the day. It was one of those days that just skated along with a gentle rhythm, like that of easy breathing.
I sat in my rocker for a long time, nothing better to do than watch the steady flame burn on the candle in the window. Somehow it gave me pleasure to see the flame reflected in the glass of the window. I saw two flames in the window pane. Something so simple, yet so entertaining on this quiet Sunday. Made me think of physics for some reason. I tried to remember things I knew about quantum physics, but it was too easy a day to think that hard.
It also reminded me of something I have been noticing about myself, how my reflection is changing, not my physical one but my inner one. For years I would not do something because I wondered if it would seem out of the ordinary or not quiet the proper thing to do. An example. At the Doctors office last week when I took Melanie in, the seats were all filled. It was crowded and getting up would mean my crossing in front of a couple people, creating that awkward, "excuse me please" for no important reason. But there was a large framed collage of pictures of the Doctor with babies he had delivered. I wanted to have a look. Normally I would just leave the place wishing I had gotten a chance to give it a good look. Not just a casual glance as I walked out the door. But all the feet I would have to cross and just to get up look at a picture and then sit back down. I wondered if I would look odd. After a minutes reasoning with myself I thought, shoot I am 52 years old, its no big deal to just do what I would like. Yeah, I know this sounds so random, or so stupid but it speaks about a deeper level of maturing. Doing things that may not seem the polite thing to do, but that harms no one or make an impression that would last longer than 10 minutes, if that.
So I did it. Got up, said excuse me and went over to that huge picture, put on my glasses and gave it a good study. Made me wonder how many things like that I have given up, simply because I wonder if its polite or just a bit off the wall.. The people that were sitting next to me, spread out a bit more on the couch and I wondered if they realized I would be sitting back down.
I am a pretty secure woman but still there are times I feel like a child, wondering if I should do this or that.
So silly, but real.
That's where the rocking chair moment took my thinking. Guess its time to step out of my rather narrow comfort zone a bit more often.
Sundays are my day for cleaning the lamps. I love to get the chimneys sparkling clean and fill the lamps with oil for the week. Just seems like a good way to get things ready for the week. A simple job, but one not to be neglected. Leaves you in darkness. I think there are many things in our lives like that. Simple to do, once neglected though, and you loose something vital.
Learning more about ourselves, taking something we know is not a right attitude within our hearts and working to change it, so many things like that.
Going beyond the mundane, like schedules and recipes at times and really thinking, really working on being a better person. Reaching inside of ourselves to be more compassionate, more caring. Talking about more than the weather or our latest whatever and speaking about heart matters. Reading more than novels, reading books that change us for the better, enrich our lives, make us aware of what is happening in the world. That old rocking chair of mine, it makes me think, even on a quiet Sunday.
Its now pouring rain outside, I can hear it beating on the roof and on the road outside. Its a good sound to go to sleep to....

Lamps cleaned
Candle flame and its reflection
The living room today.

Tonight I am grateful for ....
Melanies life and her babies, spared...well actually all my children and loved ones, knowing we really don't know how often they have been spared without our even knowing it.
Aging, its wonderful at this point
Sitting back and watching people, you learn so much.
The smell of cinnamon oil on pinecones, a whole bag of them for $3
Good friends over for tea yesterday
Sipping a favorite wine slowly on this quiet evening
The comfort of a Chassidic CD, stuck on the shelf for years, played once again and filled with so many memories.
A husband how thinks deeply and has profound discussions with me.
The Fruit Cheerio commercial that plays Donavons song, Happiness Runs in A Circular Motion.
Breath that enters my body each and every day.
Candle light
Clouds racing across the sky in front of a big moon