Sometimes It Is All in Black and White

There are some things in life that are just in black and white, not a single shade of gray anywhere to be found. These things are reality shakers at times and other times just plain and simple every day facts.
I have been working out about 8 hours a week. Its been an eye opener for me to be working with a personal trainer. She pushes me and I am being faced with the reality that although I may feel 28 on the inside, the shell that carries around that "young" mind is aging. I had not pushed myself in any way to see that on my own. When I exercise on my own, I was gentle enough to never see the reality that my muscles have gotten weaker and my balance, well its not so perfect anymore. Now, my trainer insists that I am in fantastic shape but I wonder if she is comparing me to some 80 year old !
These days I often go to bed with sore muscles . The good thing is that I feel stronger every single day and my energy level is increasing all the time. Sometimes I feel on the verge of being hyper as my energy level has never been what we call LOW.
This reality check at the gym has pushed me to look some things head on, like eating. Its all pretty black and white there too. I am over weight simply because I have eaten too much. Its nothing else. Even if there was an excuse like a slow metabolism or something, the fact would remain, I am eating too much for what my body requires.
When I was working out yesterday, I had to do some exercise where form was crucial to the success. My trainer told me to watch in the mirror. I hate mirrors, and avoid them. Suddenly I was faced with the black and white of who I was on the outside. I was forced to see the reality of being 52, overweight and go around with hair not styled etc. There was another person working out near me and they were watching me do the exercises, and commenting on them. I felt so self conscience, what a new feeling, or an old one reborn perhaps. Here I was being faced with what I had been hiding from.
My stomach big, my face showing age, and there it was all in front of me, beside me and behind me. Mirrors all around and I had to look at them. It certainly wasn't a moment of vanity. I had gone out to the gym, knowing my hair should have been done but didn't even bother to brush it. My oversized tee shirt, gray and dull, my pants black. I think I was trying to blend into the woodwork, only it wasn't allowed on this day.
I looked at myself in that mirror. Trying to like something about what I saw, but what I saw was a person who was disappointed in how she let herself go. It still wasn't vanity, it was like noticing you should have painted your house about 5 years ago but never bothered to. It gave me resolve to work more on the outside of this vessel so that the outside matches how the inside feels on her very best day.
I want to look in the mirror and be able to look straight on. Have photos taken and be ok with what they show. To be in balance.
Somewhere in time, I lost a bit of myself to busy-ness or laziness, maybe some of both and let the outside get run down and out of shape. I take better care of the outside of my house than of me. Wow !For the past week or so I have been doing some self talk. I get up from doing something, head to the kitchen, am tempted to grab something to snack on, and then like a lighting bolt, the thought comes to me, "you are not hungry, you are bored". I tell myself that, speak it out loud, and somehow I just get past the idea of eating and go do something else. Its all so black and white.
My meals for the week have been delightful, things like filet mignon, boiled new potatoes, Parisian carrots. Champaign chicken, salad, cream Brule for dessert, wine and candles with each evening meal. Breakfasts, too have been sheer gastronomic pleasure.
Lunch, salads, fresh bread, cheese and sparkling bottled water. Music playing in the background reminding me to enjoy the moment.
Simple in the black and white of it. But giving us a feeling of sophistication. It doesn't matter than in between the meals I fed chickens, hauled in wood or sat at the spinning wheel. It works for me, all of it.
Its still simple living. No one is all stressed out trying to appear to be something they are not, or living beyond our means, or working for things, stuff that looses its thrill in no time at all.
My wardrobe is mostly black and white, I like the drama of the contrast. Maybe it speaks of the black and white of things in my life, the sure things like love. But on the clothing end of things black and white allows you to add some bright colors and look great. Reds, bright pinks, turquoise, and then grays work too. So although sometimes its all in black and white, you can add a splash of color and kick it up a notch. Its the same with life my friends, sometimes you just have to kick it up a notch and face the mirror and change what you don't like.

the black and white of exercise

the black and white of dieting

the black and white of my clothes

but.... a splash of color changes it all, it can then become " je ne sais quoi"