Just Thinking

Elusive shadows stealing glances in the window like fairies peeking in to see what goes on inside the house on this cold morning. It looks like a great game of hide and seek as the shadows appear and disappear in a seconds time.
The stove pipe, banging as the metal expands and contracts. A bit like someone is banging on the pipe itself. The world outside seems a bit mythical this morning.
Melanie asleep peacefully on the sofa, I stare at her with that same wonderment a new mother has when looking at her babe. I suspect you never loose that feeling when watching your child sleep.
My sweet Melissa has been emailing and calling daily to check on her sister and on me. She knows her mother well and knows herself how hard it is to see Melanie not well. Melissa always knows just what to say to me to make me feel better. Its a gift she has and probably doesn't even know she has it. I miss her a lot right now. Actually I miss her all the time but the sting of her being so far away is so real right at this time. She is just like her dad in so many ways. That gives me great joy, as he so good. And being like him, helps me to understand this daughter of mine all the more.
Melanie is a carbon copy of me people say and so we laugh a lot about that. A child like each parent. A good pair it seems for this family.
Steven, well he is his own man. Its never easy to figure out how much impact his first 8 years with his bio parents had on who he is now. At times we all forget he is adopted. Actually most of the time we forget. He is so loved and loves us so much back.
He is home now from his honeymoon and glad in many ways to be in his own home, king of his very own castle.What a considerate son he has been, calling almost every day while he was gone, filling me in on the things they were seeing and always letting us know where they were. He is so loving to us and so appreciative for how we raised him. There are some in the Mennonite church who want to take all the credit for any goodness in Steven. Suggesting that Emery and I, so un-Mennonite, could not possibly give a child good guidance. We chuckle about that. How Pharisee like they are at times. At the pearly gates I suspect they will have to answer for their haughtiness regarding their self righteousness.

This morning Steven and Priscilla came over and brought me a gift. It made me chuckle knowing how well this boy knows me. A gnome !

By the grace of God Melanie has kept all her food down today and is feeling good, tired but that's understandable. I would be willing to cook anything she wants to have her eat !

In my bone weariness I decided that it would be wonderful to spend the next two weeks in my pajama's, never stepping foot out the front door. Lazing around and doing nothing constructive. Letting dishes pile up in the sink, allowing dust to breed into bunnies, feeling comfortable with mounds of laundry sitting in baskets, and ordering out for every meal or eating bon bons and drinking champagne if I want.
Of course that won't happen. Maybe it would work for a day or so but I do have to admit that the idea of being that self indulgent for an extended piece of time sounds pretty good in concept. I would like to watch movies all day and pull the afghan up close and lay about all day long. It feels to me that I have been in over-drive since June.
Just got through watching Under the Tuscan Sun again, this time watching it with Melanie and we laughed together at the funny parts and sighed in agreement over the profound parts. I think now, most of the dialog is imbedded into my memory.
I need to watch this movie every once in a while to remind myself about taking chances, and living life spherically and with childlike enthusiasm. You can forget to breath while exercising and you can forget to embrace living while being alive. The movie helps me to remember embrace life.
To have dreams and pursue them. We often forget to have dreams when we get older, or disregard them as foolishness. That's when we loose our childlike enthusiasm and become old.