Is It Fear That Makes Us Turn Our Back ?
It has been interesting to share my spiritual walk so openly. To talk about my doubts, to share my confusion on knowing what God requires. I have been cast aside more times than I can count, for being so open. I never have gone so far as Peter did, never denied knowing Christ, but yet at times people have shunned me as if I committed the unpardonable sin. It appears that some folk are so filled with fear of honest searching that they shot the searcher without a thought. I have been "shot" openly for my honest struggle. It hurts at times, but then I think about how fear is crippling and so the only thing I can feel is sorrow for the amount of fear some folks carry with them and I know I would not want to be their child for certain. My faith is stronger than that sort of fear. I just don't know all that God requires, so many opinions out there on what is right. I am glad God is more loving than people are. He continues to bless me and walk with me, holding my hand as I search. Gently leading me. Not shooting me because I am looking for answers.
I have learned that I never ever want to be so filled with fear of loosing my own salvation that I run from someone that has a struggle, afraid I might be contaminated. I want a stronger faith than that.
I suspect most folk have doubts, (most just keep them quiet) especially since for Christians the Bible mentions it so many times. The twelve certainly had doubts often and Jesus was right there beside them in the flesh. Poor David cried out to the Lord so many times asking "where are you? " when feeling down in the dumps as we might say today. With all the moods David experienced, if he were around today, people would be saying he was bi-polar. Think about it, if you knew someone today that was dancing naked with joy one day and then wasting away to bones with saddness another time, what would you think ? How would you treat them ? Most would run the other direction, yet God has used David as an example for us. Looking to the earnest searching in David and blessing him. God didn't turn away from David even when wanted another mans wife, so badly that David sent the poor husband off to the front lines to be killed in battle, it was a sure bet he would die, that way, David could have the woman. Yet, God still loved him ! Sure David paid a price for that sin, loosing their first child before he could even enter into the conventent by being circumcised, but God didn't disown David. How many parents have disowned their child for much less ?
I would like to share a story about Joe Jacobson. Its an amazing story... the kind all Christians should bear in mind when they turn their back on someone that might not be where YOU want them to be. He was a kid from a blended family. Modern family. The father so drunk he had no idea he was getting married to his first wife, resented her, took another women. He was one of the youngest kids and a brat. The kind you hate to be around. Bragged all the time, the "I am better than you" kind. His father and mother spoiled him rotten. He got better toys, better clothes etc. Naturally his siblings resented him. His brothers ganged up on him and beat the tar out of him. Joe left town with the help of his siblings. Anyway he got in trouble not long after getting to a new place. He was arrested for sexual assault. Went to jail for a while, was still a know it all, but after a while was acquitted. Got out of jail, but it stayed on his record. Just a mention of his name, gets people talking about that incident. But somehow Joe was actually blessed. Good things would come his way. He got a good job, but married this woman who was the daughter of some pagan leader. Joe got into scrying, that thing where people see the future in a mirror or a cup of water. Joe used some expensive cup for his. That cup was major important to him. He had been gone from his home town so long now that no one there would have recognized him. He had a good job, changed his name, travelled with the "in crowd". His brothers hit some hard times, they ended up one day in his turf. Joe's world. They needed help and found out who they were supposed to talk to and guess what, yup it was Joe, only they had no idea who it was they were talking to. He changed a lot during the years, and with his name change and all, they never recognized him.
Joe sure remembered them though. He remembered that beating and being sent out of town. He set them up, planted his special cup in their bags and then sent the cops after them, having them arrested for stealing. What a mess. Worse than a crime movie. Anyway, in time he had his father come and bail the brothers out, introduced himself and everything turned out pretty good, except he lost any inheritance from his father. What should have been his, was split in half and given to Joe's two boys. Joe had a messed up life by our standards. But in case you haven't figured it out, Joe is Joseph from the Bible. I suspect today, many Christians would have turned their back on him when he married the pagan high priests daughter or started doing divination with his scrying cup (Gen 44:5). They would have tossed him aside as a lost cause and been afraid to have their children play with his kids. Good Christian parents would disown a son like that...write him off as lost and a negative influence to younger children or grandchildren. But how did God see him ? Isn't that the example for us to follow.