Keeping our Motives Pure

Living with compassion is work, it requires we keep a check on our own behaviors as it seems at times the most natural way to be in a bit unkind or with a hidden agenda to teach someone a lesson. I sure am guilty of that. Its not something I like about myself and yes, it can be easily dismissed with the common train of thought..."well, no one is perfect". " I try, isn't that enough?" "They had it coming". " They did it first !" You see we have all the answers to excuse our behaviors and make them seem less "not so nice". People will tell you if you are always kind and compassionate you will get run over, that is probably true to an extent, but sorta like in the cartoons, we can learn to bounce back as though nothing bothered us.
Personally that is the hardest thing for me, to not let things get to me. There is a verse in Psalms that I quote to myself, in hopes I think that it will one day soak in, " Great peace have they that love the Law and NOTHING shall offend them" Wow, imagine having nothing offend you ? And then I think about what I have read from the Dalai Lama, about having compassion deep enough that you can put yourself in the offenders spot and look at their total life and see that you under the exact circumstances would probably do the very same thing and that if they had been born in your place with your life, they would be like you, its just one difference really. The difference of circumstance. Its as if we should imagine yourself on one side of the road and the offender on the other side, you just change places in your mind and suddenly you can feel a bit of compassion for them, where once our motives were to maybe get them back or teach them a lesson.

I have thought many times about my posting regarding a certain blogger that just simply goes after people when they don't act the way she expects they should or they disappoint her in some way. I can only guess her motives and while having compassion for what might be behind the behaviors she shows, I am only responsible for my own motives. My motives in posting about her were simple. Keeping people from getting bitten. I have examined my motives over and over and over again. It was not out of anger or to get back as some thought. I just hate seeing people hurt and the scale was tipping under the weight of so many victims compared to the offenders feelings of hurt.

We face a test of our motives so many times in a weeks time. While driving and we might be cut off or have a horn honked at us when we knew we were not doing anything wrong and in a flash our thoughts are defensive and angry at someone we will never see again or have no idea what their circumstances are. I cut someone off once on the way home from the hospital when Mei-Ling was so sick, not sure if she would make it through the night. I cut this person off by accident, no malice, simply pre-occupied. The person was furious and road rage was the reaction. It taught me something, next time someone does something stupid on the road, take the high road and just assume they have just come back from making funeral arrangements for a loved one. Hard to get angry then. My motives and my reactions will stay compassionate.

Don't you think that is what the whole "do unto others" thing is all about ?

I cannot control what others think or say , but I can control how I react to what they say or do. It is always best to react with compassion, and at times we have to weigh where the highest degree of compassion must go. If there are victims, we need to choose the innocents.

Right now I am dealing with knowing someone who is spanking a very little baby. I know this woman is acting in anger for so many aspects in her life that she has no control over, and although I have compassion for her, doing nothing would mean the baby will have to endure abuse. So at times we are called to action but again, our motives need to be pure.
I see our sweet Mei-Ling almost every day and cannot imagine anyone hitting her for any reason. Melanie and Casi are gentle parents and it shows in Mei-Ling, she is a very gentle baby. But some people are just filled with out of control emotions and usually the weakest around them takes the brunt of their frustrations. In this case it is a little baby.

Life is not just to be lived without any serious introspection. We need to check and re-check our thoughts and actions for what is behind them. We need to think and be honest about our actions and thoughts. Sometimes we are just acting like spoiled brats that don't get what they want. Sometimes we are acting on childhood truths that no longer are truths, but we never took the time to check that out. Sometimes we are just angry.
Life can be like the fat person that never looks in the mirror, thus never having to face the issue of being at an unhealthy place which when realized, some sort of action is needed and often its extremely difficult, so avoidance is much easier. Or we can choose to examine and take responsibility and then make the changes. Like Dr Phil says, " you can't change what you don't acknowledge." So think about what you say and do in every aspect of your life, it will take more time to speak, more time to act but the outcome will be better. I work on this daily. I have some victory, and some failures, both are wonderful teachers !

Our locust tree in bloom last spring, taken at night