Are You Being Bullied ? Peer Pressure ? Expectations ?

Most of us are creatures of habit. We can even get so caught up in the cycle of things that we have no clue how to change the things that are consuming us.

I have a friend in Southern California that works three jobs, has a really nice house, shops till she drops, has a nice car, has nice furnishings, won't think of shopping in a thrift store, and has a shoe collection that nears that of Imelda Marcos'. On the outside it looks like she has it all, but...she has to work 3 jobs to support her lifestyle, has a job that is eating her alive with people that are less than nice, is estranged from her 2.5 children because she never gave them much time while she was working all these jobs all these years. Her children could easily be the child in the song, "The Cats in the Cradle". She has high blood pressure, is depressed, she is exhausted and is counting off the 10 years until she can retire as if it was Christmas coming. Her advent calender is "how many more years till relief from work". She hates the way her life is, but cannot imagine settling for less, and by less I mean, a less fancy house, a less fancy car, a less fancy appetite for fine dining.

Those "things" are destroying her. She has to have the rotten jobs so she can sustain her lifestyle. Her budget so tight, any change could send her reeling. She has decorators do her living room so it looks like a showpiece but is too tired, too grouchy to ever have anyone over to share it. She complains more than rejoices. Her hamster wheel of stressful living is stealing her life, all her joy. She could change it.

Why do we feel we have to have things that cost us so much, more than just the money end of it, its relationships, it's our health and more.

Most of the fighting in a marriage they say is over finances. She or he wants more than they can really afford and bills start to be hidden, bills get found, lies ensue and for what ? A sweater, shoes, a stack of fabric ? If we are feeling empty inside and seeking material goods for filling that need, the need will never ever go away until we find peace in our soul. Find a purpose greater than just existing. We need to find strength in God to dare to be different, dare to say, "I don't have to have more than I need."

We feel we need so much more than we honestly do...yet we love to read old books where simple gifts were hand made, and a candy stick would be treasured for a week, not munched thoughtlessly in 2 minutes time. Of how evenings were long and spent as a family. Where "community" was the norm, helping neighbor just like helping family. When the smells of bread baking filled the house with a scent more enticing than the finest candle bought today. So why is it that we read and dream of the olden days when people were more in tune with needs vs wants, yet we live so far from those concepts ? We are heading in the opposite direction of what we dream of as wonderful.

Do we just believe all we are told by the media and fall for the traps in the store that make us feel less than others if we don't have the finest, newest appliances in just the right color or a house with more bedrooms than people ? I suspect so. Makes us look like we can be bullied.

We have become helpless in warding off being told what we have to have in order to live a life worthy of praise from society. We have become helpless. I would love to see this friend of mine, pick herself up by the bootstraps, say no to peer pressure and live a life with a bit less materialism and more quality. Time to breath, time for her to look at the trees and feel the wind on her face. Time to sit and read a good book without seeing a pile of bills on the counter.

Time to visit her children and help them when a new grandchild is born. This friend of mine, fictional, but we all know someone just like that. It can be a he or a she, 25 or 55.

The first step to get off the hamster wheel, decide you don't have to have more than you need in order to be happy or appear successful. The second step, find strength in living with a higher purpose and suddenly it all becomes clear on what will matter in the end, and what your legacy will be.

Now if you are blessed with tons of money, almost no stress, no bills, huge savings account, and have helped all the needy folks in the world, feel no shame in owning so much more than you need before the face of God, have a reputation for kindness and charity, your home is a haven of love and peace, open to all without regard to social standings, then this post was not for you.

It isn't for the folks that have already figured it out either and are living with purpose to keep their lives simple, focused on the things that hold value at the entrance to pearly gates .

The whole point of this post is not to condemn but to shed a bit of light on a destructive path. Life is hard sometimes and adding to the stress of daily life by having wants bigger than our needs just steals our peace, our joy, our health and often our relationships. Is is worth it to you, to loose so much for things that end up owning you ? Been there, done that, walked away and will never look back. We are so much richer now.

Yesterday, the sky was dark when I opened the back door, but in seconds, mere seconds the winds of change, chased the darkness away to reveal, sunshine and blue sky. A lesson on how life too can change from darkness to light.