Just an Old Flip Flop




A new picture of me, just an old Flip Flop !

I just read a blog I read often. Its a good blog, and has some wonderful recipes and its a fun chatty type blog, but tonight there is a post that hit me hard. I just felt it was for me, although I am sure it isn't. This woman has never even met me, but still it just seemed like she was talking about me : ) Ever have that happen to you ? Maybe its guilt !
No doubt I am feeling sensitive about my own struggles in trying to find my place. It just makes me wonder if I am perceived as wishy washy and flip flopping. I am flip flopping but that is because I honestly don't know where I belong. Unless you have been a part of a community like the Amish or Mennonite you cannot understand how hard it is to leave it. There is a love that is deep and strong. But at the same time, you wonder if its the only way. This is what I read and you can see how it would seem to fit me, especially after my post about going to town with a covering on and seeing everyone there. You can see how raw and sensitive I feel, you know that totally "paranoid" feeling when you are unsure of where you are heading....


"I know people who their convictions are based on whom they are going to be around that day. They will dress and behave according to the people they know they will be seeing. They are so washy washy. One day they are this faith and then next week they are another faith. Flip flopping back and forth. How sad and confusing it must be for them. Not to know who they are in Christ. I couldn't keep up with the changes. If the Bible says it wrong then it wrong. No matter what other people think. I believe it time for us as Christians to stand firm in the word. To live our convictions every day. The world is confused as it is. They don't need us to add to the confusion. We should be a lighthouse of stability for them leading to the way of the cross."

I hope I do not come across like that to all of you. It would never be my intent. Just so I feel better about this, you should all know, in case I am appearing to be what this lady wrote about. I am not confused in where I am with Christ, but I am having a struggle leaving a life we have lived for so long. I am daily reminded of my past life, I question my choice, I wonder what is right and good to be doing. Daily my husband works with people we have worshiped with. My son is a member of the same church. We miss that sense of community and fellowship. We can't seem to find a church that fits what we believe to be truth in regard to simple living, raising godly families and christian community.
Last night when I wore my covering to town, I had NO idea I would see anyone, I wore it because it felt right. Now it feels like I did something wrong. What if it seems that way to everyone and I have dragged someone into my own personal confussion ?
It makes me question if its right for me to share so openly my personal struggles. I have always been very open with my feelings. No hiding what is happening in my life or in the lives of my family.
Maybe I am setting a bad example by sharing so openly my transition, and if I have been a bad example please forgive me. Never ever do I want to cause someone to stumble.

Comments

Unknown said…
Okay Patty I am going to weigh in here, I think it's important that you continue to share your life, there are many people in different walks of life that are going thru changes, they read your journal and find out there not alone. I know you are a wonderful Christian, and that God has given you a precious gift to be able to write and express your self no matter how hard it is. I think that when we are growing and unsure of our choices that we can be come sensitive to what others say but my friend you know who you are and don't let anyone make you apologize for who you are...I personally gain a lot of insight from you. So my sweet sister please don't change a thing. If you feel good one day wearing your plain clothes and the next you want to wear your yoga pants then you go for it, you and I know that our Lord is a Loving God and he want's us to grow..The Simple Life for me is family and friends, all the material stuff just doesn't matter, that is the one thing the Lord has taught me thru my cancer. Okay I guess I've said enough just know that you are loved and cared about always even from your cyber friends...Hugs Tina
Patty said…
Tina, thank you so much, your post made me cry. Thanks sweet friend !
Alena said…
Oh, Patty,
do not worry, you are certainly not setting a bad example to anyone, you are just truly seeking your way of being, the fact that you are so open and frank about your most personal feelings just adds value to your blog... I am sure that you that your blog has so many readers also because it is so authentical...
I do not think that anyone could think that you are behaving in a way described on the other blog... Just stick to your way of beeing, people around you love you for what you are, that is important. Take care...
Patty said…
Thanks Alena, your words are just what I needed to hear.
Anonymous said…
Patty, I certainly have never thought of you as flippy-floppy! Some people do dress and act for others, but reading your blogs, you are a kind, genuine and loving person without any pretentions at all. Everyone who really thinks about their life has some sort of confusion about one thing or another - figuring it all out is part of our journey. Your insight into life has certainly helped me think about my own place in this world and has helped me to become a better person, so please keep on writing and sharing your wisdom and journey with us.
Hi patty,
I love your honesty and I read your words daily. I am also on a life's journey which has involved change and self questioning and it helps me to know that others are there as well. So don't change and keep on changing!
Granny said…
Patty, sent you a long, rambling e-mail. I don't think of you as flip flopping either. Finding the right path can be quite difficult, especially when you feel it may be time to leave one lifestyle and yet you know what almost everyone around you is expecting you to do. The changes you're contemplating are major, life changing changes and I can only imagine the struggles you face in finding your path.

Whether you have the full covering on or you are wearing that little orange dress, you're my hero! :)

Judy L.
Finn said…
Dear, dear Patty, sending hugs for your pain and confusion. I think perhaps the blog which made that comment could benefit from my Gramma Lottie's wisdom, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". Granted it is "HER/THEIR blog and they can post whatever strikes them. But to reassure themselves at someone else's expense is too much freedom in my opinion.
And if as well versed in scripture as they say, then they are the last ones who should "throw" a stone or an opinion. And perhaps they weren't referring to your blog, but I can see where you feel "it fits".
You are NOT wishy-washy....I think you are "in the desert", seeking answers, wandering. We all have a "desert" somewhere in our time on earth.
Life is a process. No cut and dried formulas for always knowing what is right for you. Sending as many hugs as you can use, Finn
Patty said…
You "guys" (can you tell I am from the east coast) are all so kind. Your words are so full of wisdom and love. Thanks

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