Just Thinking

Last night, sitting on the sofa, I had a thought, one of those "light bulb moments" as Oprah calls them. I was waiting for Emery to come back in the room and thinking about how wonderful it is that he takes such good care of himself and listens to all my recommendations for his health. I have been practicing herbal medicine for as long as we have been married and right from the start, probably after our first date, I had the man eating healthy, off a medication he really didn't need and taught him all about chemicals in food. He was a willing listener but more than that, he was a doer and still is, especially when its regarding his health. Now by contrast, my son is not yet 23 and has super high blood pressure. I have told him how to take care of it, what to do and even told his wife how to change his diet etc. They go out to eat all the time, and that is not an exaggeration at all. Sometimes three times in one day ! Restaurant food is packed with salt, chemical laden and certainly richer than someone with high blood pressure needs. He lives a typical fast paced life, worried about appearances, spending every penny he earns, no money for emergencies, which amounts to stress. I am not tattling on him here, (he has had this lecture recently so its no surprise to him how I feel) but I am making a point which will indeed end up with a finger pointing at myself...so bear with me. My son is over weight and has gotten to the point where he is in the shape of an old man in my mind. His entire life style is the one I write about NOT wanting to live because of the way it causes stress. When Emery and I first married, I knew he needed to eat differently so I cooked, made certain I was going to help him stick around this old world for as long as possible. I read everything I could on high blood pressure and in no time at all, his blood pressure was on the low side and has been now for 29 years. Emery was willing to change for all the right reasons. I admire him so much for that.

I work on the emotional end of things and he is so disciplined that he can work on the physical end of it, which is harder for me. I can meditate and live simply but, can't seem to stick with portion control or passing up a goodie !

O.K. now to the pointing a finger at myself....I was thinking how wonderful it was to have a husband that did what he needed to to be healthy. What love for me he shows by listening to what I suggest for his health... but then I had the light bulb moment....I don't listen to myself, to what I know about health for me...I don't have high blood pressure but did...I am overweight and that is something that is simply not healthy. Don't I love my family enough to make the changes instead of slacking off and deciding that my "wants" regarding food take first place above NEEDS with food ? Wow...what I love and admire with Emery is so far from where I am with myself. I am selfish and am not thinking about my family or myself. What I shake my head at with my son and worry myself over is exactly what I am doing myself, to an extent. I don't have high blood pressure but I am a ticking time bomb waiting for some health issue to pop up with my weight as it is. I do know that when my blood pressure was high for a while due to stress, I changed things but have fallen back into bad habits again.

So in reality, I am acting very self centered, wanting things that are not good for me more than wanting to be healthy. Painful to admit to, but maybe its the place to start from, to change. Like Doctor Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge" Well, maybe now I will change.

I have after all just acknowledged I need to get better at sticking to a life style change eating wise.

Sometimes the old saying, "can't see the forest for the trees" is so true.