The Journey, many roads to take, which to choose

This post feels to me like a black and white photo, perhaps some deep wish is conveyed in the choice of photo, a wish that some aspects of life are just simply black and white. So clear cut, so defined, so full of contrast that choices are easy. But even in the choice of photo, I see that there are even in a black and white photo, so many shades of gray. I struggle daily with just what I believe, well maybe its not so much a struggle with what I believe, but more that I have no idea what God wants in a level of application. So many different opinions from the pulpits. I wonder what life would be like if everyone saw the same thing, independently in the words of the New Testament. Oh here come the groans of society, "that would be so boring, no room for individuality." Maybe so, but is it our desire to have our own way that creates so many denominations ? I like life my own way. I like to do things the way that suits me. I don't think I am a rare creature. I grow restless and start looking for ways to weasel my way out of mindsets that grow uncomfortable. I can usually find a logical argument for my own "comfort" position when I need a way out of some belief that starts to infringe on my desire to have it my way.
I know the scriptures pretty well and am well aware of how to manipulate them all on my own to make things fit for me, but you can fool yourself for only so long. There is a nagging that goes on in the conscience, thankfully ! I love the verses that tell us to do only two things, Love God and Love Others. So easy and kinda gives you some room to do your own thing. But then there are all those other verses that talk about how to live....oh those are hard. I decided for a while that Paul was a bit unstable and so really wasn't worth listening to. He tells us to do some really hard things....Galatians 5:13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 15 if you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Life by the Spirit 16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."
Now those verses are nice, and tell us how to live and I can't find fault with them but they do make me question watching television. Sexual immorality abounds on television, and even selfish ambition is all the rage for story lines.
But then there are these verses in 1 Timothy 2....I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10 but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. 11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent." these verses surely step on the toes of every reader of fashion magazines, marathon shoppers, shoe-a-holics, and yes, even thrift store shoppers extraordinaire whose bargains can really add up, and of course these verses are hard to choke down for any woman that is outspoken. So you see the dilemma, if you really "do it all" you are kinda weird by todays standards. Your reading material would be limited, probably no television, and certainly the music you listen to would be limited. Your dress modest, and then you have to decide what constitutes "modest" and then this whole thing about being a bossy woman, yikes, I fit the bill on that one.
So how to choose, how much you take literally and how much you just don't like so you say, that was for then, and this is now. I could go on and on, subject after subject. I do know what it feels like to apply all the scriptures to my life, NT that is. Of course I failed at times and had pockets filled with rebellion from time to time, but is that better than just walking my own road, working on convincing myself that God doesn't really want ALL of me, just maybe part time, that suits me better and when its convenient. Much like the world has become... when it suits us, we do it. I don't have the answers, well yes I do but I don't much like them, so saying and feeling confused makes it so I don't have to choose the road to take.

dried up leaves of the morning glory plant, but seed pods ready to pop open. Death and new life all on one vine.