How Honest Can You Be About Yourself

Recently, someone said to me, "oh the mennonites don't talk bad about you near as much as they used to." I thought about that a bit then felt a tinge of anger, hurt and resentment, the kind that makes the hair on your neck stand up in indignation. Thoughts like, "just what are they still saying about me?" "How dare they, they claim to be such good Christians and gossip like that" and on and on. Then in a moments time I had complete peace....SO WHAT ! It didn't matter to me. What they said simply didn't matter. What they were saying wasn't going to push me into playing a role I didn't want to play any more. I walked away from the thought of trying to change to please them, a group of people that I no longer can relate to. But, and there always seems to be a but when it comes to these self realization type moments, here I am writing about it. Getting the last word in, if you please. Making certain I tell you WHO it was that has been talking about me. If it really didn't affect me, then why am I mentioning them by name ? Making sure I let you know that they weren't being very Christian by gossiping about our family proved that although I said it didn't bother me, it did make me mad. So, it does bother me, but on a different level then ever before. It isn't driving me to try and "comply" with their traditions so they will "like" me better. Can't go there anyway. I don't believe their teachings are right, not as I understand the teachings of Jesus. A uniform does not make you a good person !
Why am I sharing this ? There is a higher reason than just pointing fingers. Honest. I want to share that it is in baby steps that we grow. I have taken a step in this journey of walking from being a people pleaser, from being a chameleon that changes to suit the environment, to adapt to be accepted, but at the same time, there is much more work for me to do in becoming a better human. I need to get to the place where I practice what I know is truth, that this moment is already gone, it no longer exists. That the future is not here yet so why deal with things that do not exist ? To really live in the moment, not holding on to the negative, not embracing it with the same intensity of pressing your tongue hard against a toothache, making it hurt more, than moving it away to feel less pain. To not cherish the hurts done to us. For in thinking, that holding on is to protect us against more hurts, all it seems to do is blow on the embers and keep a destructive fire burning within.

I need to be honest with myself and press on. Get past the place where, even though the pain of anothers words don't push me into trying to please them, I find that place where hearing something negative doesn't do anything more than have me think, "well, its true, I am in constant need of improving". That would be the most honest thing I could say.