Thinking about regrets

On occasion I have written about regrets and how most of our real regrets in life are about the things we don't take opportunity to do, not the things we have done. Last week when I was sick with food poisoning I thought about a regret I do carry with me. One that really hurts.

My mother was a lovely woman but not a huge fan of having children. I was the third and not wanted...well, I suspect they liked me after I arrived but my mother never wanted 3 children, ever.

After my first was born, she would say things like, "you have a nice healthy baby, you don't need any more, they are just too much work." We wanted another child, actually from the time I was a young teen I told everyone I wanted a dozen or more children. I love children. Played dolls as if they were real babies, played dolls till I was 14, then babysat, and then had my own ! When my second daughter was born, every single conversation with my family was about how two children were more than enough and the pressure was constant to have my tubes tied. I caved in and had it done. I cried the very next day, regretting what we had done. By the time Melanie was out of diapers all I could think about was having the surgery reversed. I prayed and miraculously I was able to have the surgery done for FREE. They were able to reconnect me but I just had miscarriages, no third baby. I prayed. I begged God, I told Him I was so sorry for having the first surgery. I was heartbroken. I kept track of every single friend that got pregnant while we were trying. I kept up my faith until I was about 46 years old, that was the age of the oldest friend I had that conceived. We adopted our two nephews and although our family grew from 2 to 4, I still wanted more children. To this day I regret that first surgery. Regret listening to my mother. Her advice was selfish, and flawed for us. Regret not knowing then what I know now about the wonderful joy of having a house full of children. I wondered this past week about what my life would be like now with 8 more children to love, to see grow into wonderful adults. To have many many grandchildren. Children are a blessing. I once read, "people never seem to regret having a house full of children, but they do seem to regret not having them."