Just Thinking about Attatchment And Guilt

For the past two days I have been working out something in my mind. Formulating what my thoughts are on the new way of thinking....well, its not new really, but its an aspect of popular thought right now.
One of the teachings that is going around is to ignore the negative self talk, which is not a bad thing at all. No one needs to be telling themselves they are worthless etc, but at the same time, we can't be throwing out that small still voice that tells us we are doing something morally and or ethically wrong. We can't always hear just the nice fluffy self talk, sometimes we need a reminder to not do a certain thing or say something unkind. That "you shouldn't do that" sort of talk in our heads is not always a bad thing. I happen to think its our conscience. But we have come into an era where we only like the positive, the happy things. We don't go to a certain church because they don't make us feel all happy each week. Well, sometimes we need to hear about how we SHOULD be living. There is, as in all of life, a balance. One cannot measure "wonderful" without something on the other end of the scale to weigh it against. That voice in our head, that small still voice, can't always be ignored because it might tell us to do something that isn't all fun and roses. Or to not do something that we want to, when it might not be best for us in the long run. In other words, we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater ! I wish I could explain this better. It just seems to me we are in danger of getting rid of something that keeps us in balance because we don't always like what this small still voice is telling us. A guilty conscience can be a good thing, when it is deserved. All you need to do is spend a couple weeks with someone with Reactive Attachment Disorder and you will find that having a conscience is part of behaving normally. Guilt takes us to the place of being remorseful for our wrongs. It takes us to the place of being sorry for doing something wrong and working on not making that same mistake again. Hopefully anyway.
I am not an advocate of long faces, all seriousness, but I think this constant search for an emotional high, the feel good society is a bit like living in la la land. We are probably chasing a pipe dream if we want only feel good moments in our life.
Another thing that worries me a bit, and I have come very close to buying into this one, is the philosophy of not being attached. I believe in not being attached to things. I believe Jesus taught that to us in a powerful message with the rich young man that he asked to give all he had away. The man was too attached to his money and goods. And life is about so much more than things, but the philosophy of not being attached that we are all hearing so much about, goes much deeper. It reaches into our relationships. But God, wants, demands really that we love him with all our heart and soul and that requires a deep attachment ! Again, meet a child or adult that suffers from Reactive Attachment Disorder and you find out that not being bonded to another, not being ATTACHED, causes some serious mental health issues, so why would we ever want to be NOT ATTACHED to people we love. Yes, there is the risk of being hurt beyond words when something severs that attachment, but the risk is worth it.
I suspect that the biggest dangers in our life are not the far off wild extremes, but the "so close to the truth" things. The philosophies that have so many elements of truth in them, but under that there is a drawing away that undermines the very foundation of complete truth.

Comments

... Paige said…
You are talking about was used to be known as New Age thinking. But really it's Old Age thinking.

Jesus wants us to strive to be a better person, though he loves us anyway. That little voice is there to remind us that we are not perfect and that we know we can do better.
Annie Wicking said…
Wow, that is wonderfully deep..

Thank you for sharing it with us.

Best wishes,
Annie
~Bren~ said…
Only certain people could understand what you just said. 8 years ago I would not have been one of those....today I am.
Richelle said…
There must needs be opposition in all things. How are we to know the good if we do not know the bad? I agree, the idea of only positives is not the teachings of Christ.
Anonymous said…
I agree, Patty. My husband and I occasionally attend a Unity Church although I am Catholic and regularly attend Mass and was raised from birth in Catholicism. One of the things I dislike about new age thought is that there doesn't seem to be any sort of guidance for moral living, or a discernment between right and wrong.

One only needs to look at the John Edwards problem to see this vividly: his mistress considers herself a new age devotee and wants to get men out of bad marriages for their own spiritual welfare. What sort of philosophy espouses this to be a moral action? At least my Catholicism teaches me right from wrong and not just what feels right.
Dana and Daisy said…
this is so right on Patty. And it is also evident that our children are being taught this from an early age. There is mentality (at least in my corner of the world) of letting children misbehave because they are children, for fear of damaging their self-esteems. I don't mean normal childish behavior. i mean things like vandalism and disrespect to others, and an entitlement mentality that is rampant.
nancyr said…
I learned, that there are two ways of becoming "character disordered". One is by being "unattached" and never learning to trust. This happens in infancy and very early childhood, when a child doesn't receive the nurturing he/she needs. The other way is becoming "spoiled rotten" and never learning how to cope with the negatives in life. I fear that this is happening far too often now. When children are shielded from disappointments, losses, etc. it does nothing positive for their character. The trend now, for children under eight, or so, in organized sports, is too have the games remain "scoreless". After all, the losing team members might have hurt feelings. At the end of the season, all kids get a trophy. How will these kids ever learn that life isn't like this? Once you get into the job market you need to compete with all of the other job applicants, and you will not be rewarded for mediocrity. One needs to experience disappointment, in order to feel joy.
You are so right about your theory.
Mrs.T said…
Remember this is my own thoughts.. I'm not sure if you will post this and that's ok..

As you know I'm not a Christian..
After years of searching I've found that there is truth in all ... and the bases of my faith like the Dali Lama is "love" .
That is where I believe all actions should spring from.. not guilt ..

Feeling guilty is something different from from being moral... if that makes sense?

You can still something wrong and feel guilty but being moral can stop you right in your tracks..
You can get over feeling guilty..
You can excuse your guilt way..

There has be more that just feeling guilty to make the right thought,actions and speech .. at least it is for me..

One of the reasons why I left the Christianity is the guilt.. instead of teaching G-D's love by loving..most beat you over the head with the guilt stick.. and In My Humble Opinion? That is why the Church is losing folks.. You can only beat a dog so many times before it either runs off or bites you..

Some would ask well where do you get your morals.. well from a lot of places.. my family,Buddhism,Native American Spirituality,Women Sprite,Taoism,Judism,Paganism and even Christianity.
If you study there are common threads that runs through them all..
You treat yourself and others with respect.
You don't steal,murder,lie,cheat... You work hard.. pay you own way when you can..
You help the poor..love on another even when you don't want too...
And take care of G-D's creation..
The Divine is in every living thing on this planet.. and you treat it with respect and honor..

All these faith when it boils down to it..say the same thing.. Love of self ( not the ego ) and love of others..two legged or four or ?

Just my thoughts..

Thank you for your post.. love your blog :)

Denise in TN
NeeCee said…
My youngest son is adopted and has R.A.D. It does make you look at life so differently and appreciate the people in your life so much more.

As for my son, we have gotten him all the help we can possibly get him in the natural world and are totally relying on God to supernaturally heal him. He is slowly beginning to show emotions on occasion and he is starting to show the first signs of bonding with us now. Yippee!!
Patty said…
How wonderful NeeCee, we were never able to find anything that helped our youngest adopted son. He never could bond. Now is a young adult and went back to live with his bio parents.

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