Pathways, just some of my own thoughts today, for me

In the quiet parts of the day, when chores are done, when silence gives one space in which to hear what is meant to be heard, to learn the lessons meant to be learned, that is when we should be the most pliable, the most like clay in the hand of the Master Potter. I am a stubborn person, maybe that's not the right term, I think I am more the spoiled child, the one that wants her own way, and even though that small still voice speaks to me, I just don't always like what I hear nor do I want to listen to it. I would rather do what I want. All the "new" philosophies out there, seem to point us in the direction of doing our own thing, as if that is some deep pre-programmed direction for us to follow...as if our purpose is to do what we feel driven to do.
Its a comfortable philosophy, it lets us play what we want and if we redesign our concept of God, we can actually fit Him into this mindset and convince ourselves we have some new, much deeper awaking to what is the true pathway to enlightenment. Its a feel good spiritual path.
Some churches even brush up against this type of thinking, which allows them to pack in the crowds, but they soon find they are in need of all kinds of support groups for all the problems in the congregation. Not that that is a horrible thing, but its almost like keeping church sweet and never stepping on toes, doesn't drive people to walk a better life. As long as a watered down gospel is preached, the problems will remain, the infidelity, the lust, the sin will just keep on keeping on and marriages will fracture, and lives will not find the peace and happiness they are seeking.
Right now in my life, I have this strong desire to walk a liberating pathway, a wide easy one. But it is as though I am a baby walking with safety bumpers on all sides of me. Every single day there are things popping up in front of me, reminding me, calling me, actually bombarding me with things I cannot ignore, none of which is part of the wide easy pathway. I know we are told we are in control of our own lives, its all our choices but right now, it sort of feels as though the deck is stacked against thinking my own way. I understand all this. I do. But that doesn't mean my selfish side isn't feeling a bit encroached upon. It also means that I feel a sweet gentle guiding that is far more powerful in its tenderness.