Thinking Back



Its 1 a.m. and I am still awake. Too much caffeine has made me sleepless and a bit restless.
Once again its raining, windows open. The pitter pat of rain drops on the leaves of the red oak tree outside my window sound musical, soothing. The swish sound of an occasional car going by lets me know the roads are wet.
I went to bed hours ago, but just laid there wide awake thinking. Thinking about cleaning my house today, and remembering back to a time when it was so much easier to keep things tidy. I think I miss those days in a way. Even though we had 4 children at home with all their toys and hobbies, my housework was lighter. In part because they all helped do the chores but also because we were in a different place mentally, spiritually is a better word actually. When I was laying in bed thinking, my thoughts went in the direction of the homes of the most spiritual people I know of. Now some of you are thinking, "well, we are not all called to such a spiritual life", but I wonder about that. Aren't we all called to be humble and compassionate ? So, I was imagining the dwelling places of people like Mother Teresa, Jesus, the Dalai Lama, Jonathan Edwards, Watchman Nee, George Mueller, and some of the most spiritual people I personally know now, not a one of them has or had walk in closets for all their clothes, or even a big closet. Most have/had just a few simple items to wear. I thought about how just yesterday I struggled to get all the shirts I own into the drawers of my dresser, and how there is a small stack of clothing on my nightstand that has no place to go, the drawers are all full and my side of the closet is really full. Granted, its not a very big closet, about 5 feet long and Emery and I share it.
I thought about my linen closet too and how that has become full to capacity. Several sets of curtains for every window, three or four sets of sheets for each bed. More doilies than Diana of Anne of Green Gables had. Table clothes by the dozen and napkins too. Excess. That's all it is .
Nothing humble about it. Sure pretty things are nice and yes I got them at thrift stores or made them so the cost was not extravagant, but its so over what I NEED. If I added up all the bargains I have purchased, its a lot of money. Back when we lived a plain life, things were so much easier in many respects. Today I found myself wishing I had just 7 dresses, a couple nightgowns, two slips etc. One dresser drawer for undergarments and another for my socks. Two pairs of shoes, one for church and another for everyday. Both the same, just one more worn than the other. I have shoes galore now, and I don't know why. I seem to have just a couple pairs of favorite shoes. The others actually collect dust. Recently I told my son that having things to make you look richer, more important or more than you feel you are, is just a facade. That being happy with who you are, and being o.k. with who you are without all the trappings that society seems to want to attach as value, well being content to have just what you need, that is where real happiness lies. There are always going to be people with more than you have, there are always going to be superficial people that judge and measure you for what you have or wear rather than for who you are inside. No matter what kind of car you drive there is better. No matter how big your house is, there is bigger.
Even looking at my books today made me wonder, do I really need to keep them all ? Some of them have done nothing but make me question everything I thought I felt sure about. Some I will never read again for all kinds of reasons and some I will just never get around to reading because my interests have changed.
My whole goal in life is to be a better person, to learn to be kinder, more compassionate, more simple in thought and deed. No self centered agenda's. To put my ego in its place.
I don't need things and stuff to reach that goal, in reality the more things I have around me the less time I have for prayer and study or acts of kindness.
One of the most welcoming, most spiritual homes I was ever in had second hand furniture, not a rug on any floor, but gleaming wooden floors, two sweetly quilted pillows on the sofa, an afghan thrown over the back of an old chair. The dining room table was covered with a plastic cloth, the dishes were simple corning ware plates, the glasses simple and without design. The napkins, paper. The beds covered with simple design quilts, lovingly made by mother and daughters. On the walls, a few plaques with Bible verses. The windows covered with simple bleached muslin home made curtains. The home was spotless, simple and filled with a deep and abiding love for God. It showed in every single aspect of the home. The food was simple but delightful, the dresses simple, the men's clothing simple and clean.
The conversation pleasant and spiritual but not preachy or condemning. Your eyes didn't dart from this collection to that one, or wander off thinking about where they shopped for this or that fine dainty item. The home was not stark or barren but full of goodness. So simple that you felt refreshed, comfortable and at peace just being there.
That is what I want....that uncompromising goal of heaven on earth. Some would say God blesses some with riches, perhaps, but it does make me wonder why Jesus would then tell us that its harder for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel to go through the eye of a needle.
I was reading this week about how we should never judge another, and I wondered if we should also not judge ourselves according to the standards of a very stressed out materialistic world.
Simple living is really much less than what I now have. Simple living is not walking the way of the "want it" mentality that is so prevalent today.

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