Defining Me
While I was without a computer, I had lots of time to just think. I kept trying to work out how to define myself. Not sure why I have this big need to put myself in a slot that fits, perhaps its some form of organizing or maybe its just trying to find that place where I can identify who I am. To some extent, knowing your own label, lets you feel a sense of belonging. You can find other like minded folks to be friends with.
Culturally, I am such a mix of things, I can't even say I am this or that. I am a part of several nationalities. Which leaves me out of that bigger belonging picture. No 100% of anything.
There are times I feel like an old Hippie, but then there are so many days that the world of style grabs hold of me and I adore dressing up all chic and sipping champagne for breakfast. Quite a contrast to the hippie world.
Maybe I am a bit like this new jacket of mine, a designer jacket found at a thrift store. Oh not that I think I am a thrift store item (very big Grin), that's not what I meant, but what I did mean is that I am a bit like finding something in a less than usual setting. Well, no, that's not really what I meant either. Have to work out that one a bit to be able to explain it better. The contrast is part of who I am, but it would make life more tidy if I could be tied down to just one direction, but is being "tidy" all that its cracked up to be ? Seems a bit boring though.
What would it be like to have a closet full of just all chic clothes, instead of some chic, some hippie, peppered with some dowdy homestead long denim skirts.
Or to have a pantry filled with either all health foods or filled with just amazing ingredients for gourmet French and Italian delights. My pantry is filled with a collection of items for making the delights of India, China, France, Italy and of course a proper hippie health food meal. My shelf of spices is about 8 ft long ! Whipped cream needs to not be soy !
Even the way the house is decorated is not fitting my present mood. It feels wintry, old fashioned and a bit like some emotional albatross around my neck. I would love a Tuscan villa look or a French country look today. Summer makes me want a lighter and less intense look for the house. Its seasonal to some extent, this mood of mine.
Living spherically and in many directions with childlike enthusiasm as Katherine speaks about in "Under the Tuscan Sun", is how I have lived my life since childhood and seems to involve embracing the moment ! But it does leave me feeling misplaced at times.
However, I was thinking something that put all this together for me. Before I go one step further, I want to say, no man defines me....but, thinking about what kind of man I like, shows me what is really important to me. I look at Emery and know for sure what it is that I really love in life, what is really important to me. When I was out looking for Mr Right so long ago, nearly 30 years ago, I wanted a man who loved nature, who was kind to everyone and who was more interested in who I was rather than how I looked. I wanted a thinker and not someone who was shallow. I wanted someone who cared about what they ate and knew why they ate what they did. I wanted someone who cared about the world and about peoples feelings. A person who was not driven by things, and money. Yeah, there it is, my own definition of me too, all the things I value, strive to live purposefully in these areas.
I also didn't look for or want an ugly guy. Honest here....not too many people set off on a journey to find ugly and unkempt. Most of us can look beyond looks, but we still enjoy beauty and handsome. So, I wanted a man with all the qualities I mentioned, and in addition, looked nice. Had a sense of when to dress nice and certainly not a slob with torn clothes.
Ahhh, what I was looking for, what I knew would fit well with me tells me a bit about the aspects of my life that also define what I want to be like. What I consider important. Its quite telling.
There it is, the whole answer, I belong in the family Emery and I have made, with a peppering of so many wonderful friends from so many aspects of life. I belong to the "Living Spherically Clan".
Culturally, I am such a mix of things, I can't even say I am this or that. I am a part of several nationalities. Which leaves me out of that bigger belonging picture. No 100% of anything.
There are times I feel like an old Hippie, but then there are so many days that the world of style grabs hold of me and I adore dressing up all chic and sipping champagne for breakfast. Quite a contrast to the hippie world.
Maybe I am a bit like this new jacket of mine, a designer jacket found at a thrift store. Oh not that I think I am a thrift store item (very big Grin), that's not what I meant, but what I did mean is that I am a bit like finding something in a less than usual setting. Well, no, that's not really what I meant either. Have to work out that one a bit to be able to explain it better. The contrast is part of who I am, but it would make life more tidy if I could be tied down to just one direction, but is being "tidy" all that its cracked up to be ? Seems a bit boring though.
What would it be like to have a closet full of just all chic clothes, instead of some chic, some hippie, peppered with some dowdy homestead long denim skirts.
Or to have a pantry filled with either all health foods or filled with just amazing ingredients for gourmet French and Italian delights. My pantry is filled with a collection of items for making the delights of India, China, France, Italy and of course a proper hippie health food meal. My shelf of spices is about 8 ft long ! Whipped cream needs to not be soy !
Even the way the house is decorated is not fitting my present mood. It feels wintry, old fashioned and a bit like some emotional albatross around my neck. I would love a Tuscan villa look or a French country look today. Summer makes me want a lighter and less intense look for the house. Its seasonal to some extent, this mood of mine.
Living spherically and in many directions with childlike enthusiasm as Katherine speaks about in "Under the Tuscan Sun", is how I have lived my life since childhood and seems to involve embracing the moment ! But it does leave me feeling misplaced at times.
However, I was thinking something that put all this together for me. Before I go one step further, I want to say, no man defines me....but, thinking about what kind of man I like, shows me what is really important to me. I look at Emery and know for sure what it is that I really love in life, what is really important to me. When I was out looking for Mr Right so long ago, nearly 30 years ago, I wanted a man who loved nature, who was kind to everyone and who was more interested in who I was rather than how I looked. I wanted a thinker and not someone who was shallow. I wanted someone who cared about what they ate and knew why they ate what they did. I wanted someone who cared about the world and about peoples feelings. A person who was not driven by things, and money. Yeah, there it is, my own definition of me too, all the things I value, strive to live purposefully in these areas.
I also didn't look for or want an ugly guy. Honest here....not too many people set off on a journey to find ugly and unkempt. Most of us can look beyond looks, but we still enjoy beauty and handsome. So, I wanted a man with all the qualities I mentioned, and in addition, looked nice. Had a sense of when to dress nice and certainly not a slob with torn clothes.
Ahhh, what I was looking for, what I knew would fit well with me tells me a bit about the aspects of my life that also define what I want to be like. What I consider important. Its quite telling.
There it is, the whole answer, I belong in the family Emery and I have made, with a peppering of so many wonderful friends from so many aspects of life. I belong to the "Living Spherically Clan".
This was a find at Goodwill and was pleased it was half off the marked price
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