Quitude

This weekend, working in the garden, bent over sowing seeds by hand, it was easy to feel an inner tranquility, a peace that was precious. Emery was right there working with me, and we would share comments, and point out a bird or something we saw, but those moments flowed so naturally with the quiet that they never felt like an interruption. It got me thinking about how much I really love tranquility and how that love of peace and moments of quietude has shaped much of the journey I have been on. It is no doubt what attracts me most to the Buddhist mindset, the quest for inner peace that goes along with it. It is the pursuit of tranquility, not the philosophy that interests me. I am comfortable with the teachings of Jesus, they teach compassion, love of the simple, finding worth in things that do not rust or decay. We so often seem to neglect this aspect of his teachings, but he tells us we must love ourselves. Not in some ego maniac sort of way, but for the marvelous creatures we are, created in God's very imagine. So many churches have left me feeling uncomfortable, not because I feel convicted of sin, not that kind of discomfort, but because of the tone of voice from the pastors, in both raised voice and that which is used to a naughty child as if the congregation were all 10 year olds that stole a cookie. This shoving down your throat all that we do wrong kind of message leaves you feeling hopeless. Its almost like some pastors are close to abusive parents, yelling loudly all the time and forgetting to love. Its like many of the churches need Super Nanny to come in and show the pastors how to do love their children right ! Many churches seems loud to me, not a place of quietude, not a place to feel compassion and love in such a tangible way that you desire it to be in your heart all the time, to be filled with so much peace that you don't have any desire to live a life apart from it, and you seek a life of compassion, and living compassionately seems to take away a life of wrong doing. For me, even the music in churches seems loud to me and not music of quiet reflection. Maybe I am showing my age here but its really not it, its just that I so want peace that drums and electric guitars don't seem to deliver quietude for me. I can praise God with a beautiful psalm sung with a lone guitar just fine. Think John Michael Talbot and you know where I am coming from. There are a few quiet sort of churches, but they so often are filled with gold and glitter, nothing simple about them and that too makes me uncomfortable, all that expense, when there are hungry and cold among us.

The life of Christ was not one of "condensed version truths" or jokes to lighten up his listening audience. His teachings were not followed by, lets take up a collection. His teaching made you want to turn around and give. A box at the door for collections would certainly tell the heart of the congregation. Christ didn't talk about his latest vacation nor did he sport the latest in fashion. He didn't seem to have to drop names or mention what fancy restaurant he went to last week. His life was one of humility, and compassion so real, so honest that you wanted to be like that, to be around him, and you wanted to change so that your life reflected his.

At this point in my life, the place I feel closest to Christ, is in the quiet moments at home, Bible in hand, and a prayer on my lips. I am reminded as I write this of

Ezekiel 34:2

'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? 3 You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. 4 You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. 5 So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. 6 My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.
7 " 'Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD : 8 As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, 9 therefore, O shepherds, hear the word of the LORD : 10 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.
11 " 'For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. 12 As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. 13 I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. 14 I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. 16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.