Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Yesterday



I wrote this yesterday, but the two times I attempted to post it, we had severe thunderstorms and tornados in the area and I opted to turn the computer off, rather than risk it being fried.

So here it is, a day late.....

This morning Melanie was sleeping soundly when I arrived at the hospital. She looked so peaceful and I knew she needed rest. I decided to run back home while she slept, and do a few things that needed to be done and pick up the bootie pattern I had forgotten to stick in my knitting bag this morning.
It was misting by the time I drove into the driveway. That sort of rain that falls gently and kisses you with rain so soft you are sure it must be from the fairy folk.
It feels good to be breathing air other than the hospital air. Its not cold outside, neither is it warm. Sweater weather perhaps is the best way to describe it. Great weather to go exploring and turn over old rotting logs to see what lives there, or walk deep into the undergrowth of old woods and see ferns coming up from the rich moist soil and hear sounds so seldom heard any place else.
Just daydreaming, for there are other things to be done.
Before the heavy rain descended on me, I decided to head out back and cut some roses for Melanie. They are so beautiful right now. Each bush an explosion of color and fragrance. Reminding me of a canvas alive with colorful dabs of paint against a background of vibrant spring green. The whole world seemed new to me. I have so missed my morning walks, but there is a higher calling right now. Caring for a child of mine, now grown into a woman, soon to be a mother, but still needing a mothers touch to make her more comfortable. Your child is always your child, no matter how old they are chronologically. Their needs change, but reaching out to sooth a hurt is always a need, no matter what kind of pain, be it physical or emotional. Mothering is a life long committment. One that should always be filled with unconditional love for the child. Yes, I understand there are times with some children we cannot condone certain negetive behaviors but we can never withhold love.
As I wandered, I mused about my upcoming position in life as a Grandmother. It dawned on me that I will be a bridge, a bridge from the newest things in life to some older ways. My own grandmother bridged her life, her times with mine and how grateful I am to her for that.
She instilled in me a love for things old, for things cherished from the time before me. Gentler ways. I want to do that for my grand-daughters. Teach them to cherish the simpler things in life, to appreciate hand crafts, cooking from scratch, kneading bread by hand, hanging clothes, spinning wool, making soap, sitting by lamp light while playing a game on the floor. The value of modesty, of honor, of being tender hearted and filled with the joy of learning to learn. I want to teach them the love of a tea party, the scent of roses and the joy of reading a good book. To help them understand that it is virtuous to run a home and be a mother. To show them that there is so much more than "things" and "stuff" in the world.
Their mothers and fathers will teach them these things too, but I can take it back further in time than their parents can. I can teach them the things my grandmother taught me about how her mother did things and how she did them. I can bridge the old with the new and show these two little girls that there is so much of life that has nothing to do with what money buys. I have time for this task, because so many years ago we made the choice between my staying at home which meant for us, having an old house, an old car, not going out to eat, or having nicer things. The bigger things in life often end up being thiefs and stealing our peace of mind and our time. They make us miss out on so much. It's still been the best decision we have made in life for me to stay at home. Not one regret ever. Even though the children are all married, I am still needed at home so much of the time, to run errands, to care for a sick family member, to cook big family meals and so much more. How grateful we are that we learned long ago that we could exist on just Emery's salary, even when it was very small.

13 comments:

Sharon said...

Lovely post, Patty.

littlejennywren said...

My children say that my mother, their gran is the kindest most caring person they have ever known. That is my goal. My mother says your children are always your children and they will always need you just in different ways. Sounds like you are more than ready to step into your grandmother shoes.

Amy said...

Beautiful post, Patty - we're at the same crossroads as far as living on one salary. We don't have children (and are not having children) but I very much want to stay at home and create a loving,peaceful home for my husband and myself. Do you think it's okay for a woman to stay at home (or work part-time) if there are no children involved? I'd be interested to know what everyone else thinks, too - I want to do it but it seems less defensible, somehow, without children.

As always you and your family are in my prayers!

nancyr said...

Patty, you are going to be a great grandmother. Those little girls will love spending time with you.
Amy:
If staying home to create a home for your husband is what both of you want, than that is what is important.
My kids are grown, and I worked in a very stressful career for a long time, but quit over five years ago. I am home to do all the things I didn't have time to do when I worked full time. I am much happier, less stressed, and my ability to live a frugal life makes our quality of life much better. Follow your heart.

Gullebarn said...

I like this post. I like it a lot. And? And it makes me sad. I wish so much that my mom would have been like this. Unfortunately, my relationship with my mom is really screwed up, but on the outside looks great. I should blog about it to get my feelings out.

Anyway, I can do my best to be this kind of a mom, a better mom, for my girls. Your post makes me think of a Robert Duncan painting, I think it is called "In the Garden" or something like that. If you haven't seen his work you should check it out.

Amy -- I think it is perfectly fine to be a traditional stay at home housewife. Why should it matter what anyone else thinks except for you and your husband? It's your life, live it how it makes you happiest and fullfilled. You don't have to justify anything to anyone. Just my two cents.

Gullebarn said...

Ok, the painting I was thinking of is called "A Morning Hug"
http://www.robertduncanstudios.com/content/body.php?proidx=5&typidx=1

Lori Alexander said...

Great post! I am going to have an empty nest in September. Have you ever written any thoughts on this? I would love to hear how you handled it.

Patty said...

Amy, I think its wonderful to stay home and be a homemaker. Its such a rewarding occupation. Making home pleasant and sweet for the man we love is just the best, plus being able to pursue the things that interest you, having time to investigate the things that interest you is amazingly freeing.

Patty said...

Gullebarn,
I have several prints of Robert Duncans in my home. He is one of my favorite artists.

Patty said...

Lori, I may have touched on the subject of the empty nest when Melanie got married in August. But will tell you, that as much as I loved being mom, I am so enjoying dating once again with that man of mine. We actually get to spend time alone, together, dating.

Marci said...

That rose looks wonderful enough to be able to sniff the fragrance.

Great post Pat. You will have a very important part of this little one's life.

I hope Mei Ling comes soon for all your sakes. Love to Melanie!!

Favorite Apron said...

Patty - will you be my grandma? : )

Patty said...

Yes, favorite Apron, I will adopt you and be your grandma !

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