Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The Morning




The air is heavy this morning but the strong winds are pushing it around with such force that you don't feel the humidity. There is though, this sense of storminess around, an impending sort of doom feeling, which often accompanies this sort of weather in spring for those of us living where severe weather is part of every spring. You watch for signs and your mind races for past experiences that might be similar. The impending sense of doom may be coming more from recent events. Earthquakes in diverse places, political unrest and of course much closer to home, the recent test results for Mei-Ling and Yen. Not that those have anything to do with "impending doom", they don't, but they were not news we wanted to hear and thoughts of a sweet child enduring a moment of pain, sets you on an uneasy plane.
Yen, too will be seeing the Urologist this month. His test came back abnormal, so it appears he has some reflux too. Maybe it is only slight, we are praying that is the case since he has had no problems at all.
The goats still have not kidded. Like humans, they can go over their due dates. We keep joking that they are waiting for nasty weather to kid, as they seem to do. More than a few times we have been in the barn when straight line winds have hit or thunder shakes the barn with torrential rains attacking the metal roof with fury. I am anxious for kids and of course to be filling a shining bucket with white gold twice each day.
Walking out the back door this morning, wind blowing my hair, Harry is quick to walk beside me, with the cats following behind in single file. We all head to the barn, like some strange army.
My eyes scan the land. New flowers in bloom, mint patch growing thicker than the day before.
A cardinal in the cedar tree singing his morning song. The sweet scent of wisteria fills the air. I smile thinking about how we planted it on purpose along the outside of the chicken pen. A good smell in a chicken pen is a very pleasant thing indeed. Iris buds swelling with deep rich purple.
Rose bushes loaded with buds. This is an extraordinary spring after such a cold wet winter. Along the roadsides, bright orange Indian Paintbrush bloom and glorious Bluebonnets dot the landscape. It is these very things that fill my heart and chase away that uneasy feeling that comes with a stormy looking sky and blustery winds.
This simple life we have carved out for ourselves gives balance to our days and peace in our sleep. The media can be telling me I need this or that to find happiness, but need only walk out my back door and feel sure, that it is not the things we own that make us profoundly happy, but it is how we are without them. Happiness is not dependant on material things, they bring to us momentary pleasures that fade with time or become outdated, worn out, cast off due to lack of interest. But the things that are deep within our hearts, or are the gifts of Creator, those things change us internally, in the core of our being. To be able to be satisfied and happy without material wealth is finding true riches. There is no competition. There is no bill to pay. There is no discovery that someone has more, or no smug feeling that I have the most. There is no last years style either. There is only the gift of contentment, of fullness, of peace.
The scent of the wisteria this morning will linger in my mind. I can go outside and smell it again and again until it fades, but I know it will come back next year. This is the joy that comes from having the time to stop and smell the flowers and understand the depth of what comes with a simple life.

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