Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Real Eye Opener for Me

Today I came across a man who shared with me that his mother was wanting to move into his home, he sighed before he said the next part of the sentence. He said his wife wanted his mother to live on the property, but not in their house. I nodded, as if to understand. He then said, he didn't really want her to move in either. She was in his words, "very opinionated.". I thought about this after the conversation ended, and had a moment of conviction like I had never had before. I was that kind of mother too, opinionated. If I were my children, I would not want me to move in either. Immediately a couple things raced through my mind, first was a book I had read many years ago, a sweet Mennonite story book published by Rod and Staff. "A Home For Grandma" by Joyce Miller. Its a sweet story of how three generations get along in one home. I remember how the grandmother was just simply a sweet woman. Kind, loving and gentle and quiet, just like the verse in 1 Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
I have read those verses hundreds of times, always agreeing with them, but never quite getting them to be a real part of my life, not the quiet part for sure. I have lots of opinions, lots of things to say because I am just sure nothing would get done if I didn't say this or that, or at least that is how I have seen it in the past. I am not advocating having no opinions for myself, but at least share them in a way that is not confrontational. An example....I have always had STRONG opinions on politics and ethical behavior. If its right its right and if its not, its not ! I was raised to be able to stand my ground on all matters, debating and going for the win always. Well, life has taught me, its just not always a case of black and white and people can have their own ideas and concepts without me having to convert everyone to my way of thinking, even when it comes to what I believe the Bible is saying. Of course many of us pick and choose verses to back up what we believe, without using verses like 1 James 3 as a foundation for how we share our words !
I am not enjoying writing this post because I know putting these thoughts out here for the world to see, is going to put me in a place where I NEED to change the kind of woman I am. Humility will have to replace my some times arrogant attitude. I am not planning on becoming a mouse in the corner, but I am going to change my need to ensure everyone knows just how I feel about this or that matter. I am also going to lay off political conversation. Its divisive for so many reasons. I am also going to let go of trying to push my thinking onto others. If they want to believe this or that and I think its crazy, well those thoughts of mine do not need to be shared. I am guessing this would cut down on talking about others a great deal. Practically eliminate gossip. I am feisty, sad thing is, I used to be proud of that. I am not sure descriptive words like feisty or opinionated are the words that will make us the kind of woman that would be a blessing and not a curse to our children at any point of life, but certainly not at the time when we are feeling as if we need our children's help in our golden years.
There is nothing delightful in having an obsessive compulsive type of personality either, or the kind of woman that has no thoughts of her own or that sways in the wind of change easily. We need to be standing firm on the right foundation of what godly womanhood is. A strength of character that is so full of love and kindness, where boldness is never for anything other than holy.
A serious question to ask ourselves might be, are we the kind of person that we would want to come live with us? At this point...I have some work to do on myself.
I am thankful for the lessons that God gives to us through every day life that help us see where we need to grow in our spiritual life.


Blogger Jan said...

Excellent post!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010  
Blogger "Tis the gift to be simple" said...

Thank you for this..

I needed to read this today...

hugs from TN

Wednesday, November 24, 2010  
Blogger Lori Alexander said...

I think this is the best post ever!!! I needed that so badly because I am way too opinionated and know everything. Thank you for this rebuke!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010  
Blogger cheryl said...

A very profound post that will make many mothers reevaluate their personalities . It is a hard trait to change in ourselves so that we are not too pushy and opionated . That's all we can do is our best !

Wednesday, November 24, 2010  
Blogger Janette said...

Lots of things to think about.
I am trying to learn how to mentor and not direct. It is REALLY hard with family. The funny thing is that I was sought out as a teacher mentor....
I am hoping our children will have enough land for me - or Scott- or both- to live in a very small house next to the big house. I can see all of our big personalities being together as long as there is a place for us all to go to.
I am learning this lesson quickly as I prepare to care for my own mother.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010  
Blogger Ember said...

Bless you, Patty. That is just what I need to hear. Spoke to me.

Sunday, November 28, 2010  
Blogger Marianna said...

Wonderful post!

My mother is my example of how not to be unfortunately. It isn't so much that she is opinionated, it's that she's overly negative. I recognize some of the same tendencies within myself and try hard to keep them in check.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010  

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