This undefined feeling...

Thought more about this feeling of being undefined and where it originates within me.  Trying to figure out if its some kind of rebellion within me or if its just that feeling of being born a few generations later than what my way of thinking is.    Probably its a bit of both.   This morning I realized there is one label for me that is non negotiable,  I worship God and call Him my father.  My personal theology may not always fit nicely into a box, but one thing remains constant, my love of God.  My goal in life is also never changing, I want to be a better person each and every day.  Filled with compassion and never judgement.  The judgement part is not my job.  I would be lousy at it anyway.   Every day I want to be a better person, live a better life.  I know God looks on the heart, He says so in 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
For us, doing the externals, the appearance thing is so much easier than to have a pure heart.  Far easier to deal with the things we can hide under than to think about showing whats in our hearts to everyone.  Of course there may be a time when we reach a point where the externals match the heart and perhaps the externals can help us maintain a pure heart.  Externals are not just our clothing, far from it.  Its our music we listen to, its our conversations, its our movie viewing, our computer life, its the way we drive, the way we show impatience.  Those things can be worn right on the outside, reflecting whats deep inside of us.    Angry people, drive angry.  People at peace drive with patience and calmness.
Right now in my life, I feel like my externals, particularly the way I dress, no longer matches up with whats in my heart.  I feel a bit rebellious about this, a bit undefined in my own mind.   Life is a journey, with lots of twists and turns, and often we find ourselves retracing our steps when we feel a bit lost on the road, wondering where we missed the correct trail to take, or perhaps, we just need to go a bit further to find the next road to take.   Love that God has never allowed my life to be boring.