A Way of Thinking, A Way of Living

For many years I had it as my goal to be a wife and mother with guidelines such as these. Many of them are so against the modern woman's mindset. At times it makes you feel as if you are swimming against the tide of society to live this way. For some, this little discourse will make the hairs on the back of the neck rise, for others is seems like something impossible to achieve. Yet for some, this might be a list of goals. I can only tell you of my personal experience living this way. My home was orderly, pleasant and yet within me there burned rebellion as this sort of teaching went against almost everything I knew as a child and a young woman. It is the way that Amish and Mennonite women try to live. For me now, I struggle daily with wanting to live this way or living life according to a more common, "modern" mindset. No matter where you are in your thinking, the article is one for contemplation. Its not meant to bring on an argument, or a defensive mode....it is simply about a way of living.

Woman's Impact on the Home

by Rachel Weaver(Taken from notes of a mother’s meeting given by Helen Leibee)

A woman has a tremendous impact on her home. Her sensitivity and responses can make or break her home. This places a real premium on our attitudes and responses. It puts the responsibility for how we think and act right into our laps. And that is precisely where God wants it to be. We tend to get excited and run out to hunt for another manual to read, another tape to listen to and another methodology to follow. We call someone up on the phone and spend their precious hours and ours, trying to get to the bottom of our problems, when the answer is so simple that it tends to be obscure.

Do we believe the Bible and obey it? If we do and we find our answers in the Word, we rarely need to call someone else for help. Again, the question is, “are we obeying what God has already shown us?”Our Heavenly Father will not fully bless us unless we follow the direction that He has already given us. Most of us fail, not from lack of knowledge, but from lack of obedience. The Word has a number of basic teachings and we need to use them to bring honor to God and peace to our homes. Let’s take a look at seven basic teachings that can change the atmosphere of your home.You are responsible for your role. The Bible prescribed way for changing your husband is through a submissive and holy walk. God’s way is perfect.

Be chaste.

Be discreet.

Be obedient.

Reverence your husband.

Let’s take a deeper look at what some of these commands really mean. Often when we do this we find that Satan has watered down their meanings so that the dictionaries do not accurately portray the Biblical meaning to us.Let’s take for example: Joy. Joy is mentioned 220 times in the Bible. It is a major doctrine. It is important. The present day Webster Dictionary gives the definition of “a feeling of happiness that comes from success, good fortune, or a sense of well being” as the meaning of joy. How diluted! How can that be? The Bible says we will have joy in tribulation, in imprisonment and in trials. That certainly is not just the dictionaries trite, “feeling of well being.” Joy goes so much deeper than success, good fortune, or a sense of well being. Webster’s 1928 edition says, “It is the indwelling, abiding rest and confidence, a delight of the mind, from the consideration of the present or assured approaching possession of a good, a glorious triumphant state!" What a real definition! What a challenge! So let us look at some words with real meanings. Lets take a look at the first teaching. “You’re only responsible for your role. ” If you really believe that, there will not be a restless undercurrent over the many issues that come up. Perhaps your husband has asked you to see that certain things get accomplished. The task looks too big. How will you ever get everything done? If you look at this correctly your response the next morning will be “God, my husband desires that I would _________________. I need your help to do this sweetly and cheerfully and to show the right attitude to my children.” Then with a joyful heart get the children together and say, “Daddy wants us to_____________. Let’s work real hard to bless our Daddy and get it done.” Do not approach the children with the attitude, “I really had planned to ____________, but daddy wants us to ____________, so we will do what he wants us to.” The last response leaves an altogether different flavor with our children than the first one.The Biblical way for changing your husband is through a submissive and holy walk. Knowing that only true submissions brings about change in our families will change the way we respond to our family. It will cut out the nagging and whining. And when we stop nagging and whining we will be surprised to see that our children will probably respond to us in a much more positive way. If we could choose to have a new piece of furniture, or a new set of dishes or a whole week without any whining, which would we choose? I am sure that your husband would choose the same thing.God’s way is perfect When we are truly settled in the heart that His way is perfect it will eliminate our struggles, doubts and complaining. We need to search the scriptures and seek our husband’s counsel and find out what God wants for us as a family to do. Then when we know what He has asked of us, we need to be obedient. When we trust our Heavenly Father and walk in the Spirit we will be led of the Spirit into a beautiful life of obedience and blessing.Be chaste Chaste does not mean that we are virgins, but that we are “free from carnality, and modest.” We are set apart from the world in our thoughts and actions. That alone makes us quieter and calmer. We do not have to keep up with the Jones’ or have a “Good Housekeeping” house. We do not want to draw attention to ourselves but rather glorify God in everything. This simple modesty lets people see us as we really are. It does not make pretenses. It does not expect people to take notice of us or our problems. It completely hides us behind the Cross of Jesus. When we exercise this chaste spirit we have more time for Jesus, and more time for our husbands and children. One mother found that this principle freed her from the frustrating last minute rush of sewing complete matching outfits for her family whenever they were to go on a trip or make a public appearance. She decided that if the clothes that they usually wore were good enough for the folks at home, they would do for the trip too. This chaste choice freed her to pack in a happy, sweet way instead of the tense, frustrated way that had previously characterized their packing.What a lesson on contentment and modesty. It gives us a calm spirit when we are preparing to exercise our gift of hospitality. Instead of rushing around in a tizzy to get ready and have folks see us as we usually are not, we can prepare sweetly with time to pray for those that we are preparing to serve. This set apartness helps us to put our thoughts on heavenly things. It changes our focus from the carnal and makes us sensitive to the tense, selfish impatient attitudes that we so often carry with us. How it would change our homes if we could realize this. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6: 33)Be discreet. To be discreet is to be self-controlled, sober minded and temperate. If we are discreet we are not easily upset and overwhelmed. We are calm and even tempered and it affects our children in the same way. If you see overwhelmed, tense children, there may be an overwhelmed, tense mother behind the scenes. Be moderate in all things. Do not be too worried or too sloppy. Be balanced. We are to be quiet and not too silly. We have a calm, sweet, joyfulness that settles over the house and blesses everyone who comes in contact with us.Be obedient. Many of us are obedient to our husband’s direct command, but how many of us really respect his unspoken desires. If you know that your husband really wants you to get your house in order, then do it. Maybe he does not give you a written out goal, or perhaps when you ask him for a goal he does not really give you any satisfaction. But you do know what he wants if you become a student of his and begin to listen carefully when he speaks. Many husbands do not give goals because their wives do not carry out the ones they have already given. When you obediently serve the heart of your husband you will find a peace and a fulfillment that you never had before. And when you fulfill his desires in a eager, joyful way your children will catch the excitement and set about to please you in the same way.A sister from another state shared with me that the Lord was teaching her to respect the desires and wishes of her husband in everything. She and her daughter had gone material shopping in an effort to make the more modest type of clothes that God was laying on their hearts. The fabric store was having a sale and the material was at bargain prices and after an hour of careful shopping they came home with a number of fabric pieces that they were eager to make into new garments. When she showed them to her husband she saw immediately that he was not completely happy with their choices. She made a decision to take the fabric back the next day and see if they would refund her money.The choice was a hard one because who would ever think that a fabric store would take back a piece of cut material. But God honored her heart and the clerk very graciously refunded her money. This dear sister had just learned a valuable lesson. She says that she will try to be even more careful as she shops to consider her husbands desires instead of her own impulses and wishes. The sweet spirit that she is receiving by this obedience to God was evident even over the phone, for I have never met her in person. There are so many areas where our sensitivity can bless our husbands and children and result in a more peaceful spirit in our home.Reverence your husband. The reverence in this context is a wholesome dread of displeasing our husbands that influences our disposition and attitude through trust. If we have this reverence we will be in a constant attitude of carefulness. Noah Webster lists it as fear, mingled with respect and esteem, producing in us an inclination to his service and an unwillingness to offend him. If we reflect on this Bible teaching we will not do anything that will undermine our husband. What a calm, atmosphere we and our children would have if we would understand and apply this principle. Reverence makes us think of the king’s palace. How would one act in that situation? How would we walk and talk if you were in the presence of a king? We would be very careful to please him! We need to reverence our husband and support him in every way. A consistent obedience in this provides an example to our children that makes them sensitive to reverence us. Jesus says, “If ye love me keep my commandments.” Peace in the home does not come from a manual, charts or new methods, but it comes from obeying and applying the living word of God.Following is a list for you to meditate on and use to the glory of God."The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5Am I A Faithful Wife? (A checklist for you)Do I acknowledge my husband as head in all my words, actions and countenance? I Cor. 11:2,9Do I see Him as my God appointed head and not go to others for their advice above his? I Cor. 14:34,35Do I give him space to teach me spiritual things and remain open for correction?Do I take seriously the words, “as unto the Lord” and “in everything?” Eph. 5:22, 23,24Do I believe in my heart that he is as important to my family’s direction as Christ is to the church?What would I do if Christ called and said that he’d be late coming home to supper at my house? Is that how I respond to my husband? Do my actions fit the Lord’s desire? Col. 3:18 Do I dress the way I want or the way my husband wants? Do I manipulate my husband to get my own way or do I truly desire his way? Do I become myself with good works? I Tim. 5:9 lists some.Am I sober, discreet, chaste, and obedient or do I blaspheme the word of God to others in this area? Titus 2:3&4 Do I reverence my husband? That is; do I have a wholesome dread of displeasing him that influences my disposition and attitude? Eph. 5:33 The opposite of reverence is rude or discourteous. Am I rude to him? Am I usually joyful in the home? Do I smile often at my husband and the children? Do I make my home a peaceful haven as far as possible? Do I look at my family as if I am interested in what they are saying? Do I compliment, (not flatter) them? Do I try to have meal on time and according to my husband’s desires? Do I think of my work as drudgery? Do I start and end their days peacefully and cheerfully? Is the house neat and orderly? Am I a slave to it? Is Jesus my all in all?

That's me at the sewing machine, picture taken a couple years ago