Discovering Who We Are

I tend to think that we live our lives in search of who we are meant to be, what is our purpose. In learning what our purpose is, we have to know who we are, what we stand for and what are deepest beliefs are.

Our purpose in life changes at times. When my children were at home, my purpose was so clear, so well defined. My purpose was, along with my husband, raise children who would be a blessing and not a curse, not only to us, but to the world at large. We didn't want them to just "not get into trouble" we wanted them to be contributing citizens, people that would make a difference in the lives around them. We wanted them to be secure, kind, thoughtful, innovative, independent yet to know that life always involves interaction with others. My purpose in life was all about helping my children become adults that would not make mistakes that would hurt them for the rest of their lives. We chose to raise them in the plain world, minimizing the influence of things we wanted to shield them from. We wanted them to value the simple things in life, and not go chasing after stuff.

Now that they are all married, and my days are so much less structured, its time for me to reflect, to seek and to find my new purpose. I will always be mom and always enjoy that part of my life, but its less demanding now. Being a grandmother is a part of my purpose now, but that too, is not all that demanding. So time is mine to explore what I really believe, look at all sides of the great picture. What I have learned in this searching is that my religious beliefs have come full circle. I am not ashamed of my searching, not ashamed that I questioned God. I think that part of me wanted something just a bit more exotic than what I have believed. Maybe I was tired of wearing a uniform of sorts and when we left the Mennonite church I wanted to look and act so different from where I had been. It tied into my seeking and searching. It all became part of my looking for my purpose and place in life now.

I can see things changing in my life, as if the cogs of a giant wheel is moving and catching me up in it, taking me towards the place where I can see my purpose unfolding. I can see that some of the things I was running from, were just my rebellion or just my casting off things so that I felt free to explore. Now, I feel more clarity, more assurance in what I do believe. I still would love to have a real life, in person conversation with Jesus to find out just what things matter to Him.