Thinking . . .

A late evening visit to Starbucks has left me a bit caffeined up and sleepless. Everyone else in the house is tucked in for a good nights sleep. The house is dark except for this little work space at my desk, lit up by the monitor. The sound of the oscillating fan in the next room, brushing the air my way at times, the sound like the ebb and flow of the ocean if you use a little imagination.
Mei-Lings surgery being cancelled has left me feeling spent, as if there was no place for the worry I felt earlier to go. It feels like the worry just slid off the side of a cliff. No worry now, but some sort of fallout remains. Its a strange feeling. I am the kind that always feels like when plans are changed for you, that it is the great wheel of fate turning for you. Surgery being cancelled is like a major turn of fate. A sure sign to me that it was meant to NOT happen tomorrow for whatever reason. I even feel that sort of feeling when the phone rings as I am walking out the door, detaining me...as if the call delayed me so I wouldn't get in a wreck or something. I trust in the timing of things. The "meant to be" rule works for me when its so... dramatic. Its comforting. Like something bigger than life is working for you. Takes away so much of the need to worry and fuss about things. The older I get, the less I worry about things. I have some sort of deep feeling that things just happen to work out and honestly they do in my life. My rule of life comes from something the Dalai Lama said about worry.
"If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” So change what you can change and don't worry about the things you have no control over. How simple is that !
When I have pushed against "fate", things never seem to turn out right or as good as if I had left things alone.
Life lessons...they are good teachers.

my sweet daughter Melissa sipping coffee tonight with Emery, Debbie and me