Finding Purpose and Direction, peppered with lots of doubt

Its no secret to any of my readers that I am rebellious by nature. I struggle all the time with just wanting to do my own thing. I don't like being told what to do. I suspect when I was little I was far too indulged, and that's really not a good thing. I was also raised in a home with a mother that was a super genius that passed on some of her own open mindedness.
I have for years read and studied all sorts of things, whatever piques my interest at the moment. Sewing seeds I didn't even realize. Seeds of doubt, shaking the very foundations I believed were unmovable in my belief system. I have studied just about every religion in the world, all the major ones and many many less known ones. Sure it gives me plenty of material for conversation but there is a serious down side to it all. Doubt in everything. In life there is just enough truth in most things to hook you, see that it works, but then there is the other part, the quicksand. Right now in my head, there are these thoughts, "oh gosh you sound so "fundamentalist". If I was honest with myself I would agree that there is some real wisdom on the idea that too much education can be harmful, I am speaking about spiritual matters here. Too much knowledge can really mess with your mind. You begin to question everything. I doubt my belief in Christ would ever have been shaky if I never studied so many things. I can sit here and debate quite intelligently that Christ could never be the messiah. But of course I won't, but you see those very thoughts are in my head, my gray matter has it stored there. A day when I feel a bit ho hum about stuff, those doubts fill me to overflowing.
I would like nothing better in my life than to be back at the place where my thinking was less cluttered with stuff I never really needed to know. Back to the place where my faith in Christ was unshakable. When I felt a connection to his sacrifice on the cross, but now when I think of it I remember reading this or that about how often this same story of a sacrifice for mankind has played though in mythology and then I am off on the road of doubt. These thoughts chase round and round in my head. All I want is to is convicted once again with no doubts, have all those many things I have read, learned, studied and digested to be gone and just have that simple faith, undivided. Its hard to go backwards, I don't mean backwards in the way of being unlearned, backwards to a simpler time spiritually for me. I used to think it was wrong for the Mennonite and Amish that only go to grade 6 or 8 and restrict reading to spiritual things, but this week, I would love to have that mindset, that focus in one direction. It would be refreshing, calming and certainly more than enough to know.
This is raw honesty here. The whole reason I keep on searching, back tracking, trying hard to define who I am. Our spiritual life is really who we are on so many levels. When we are out of whack spiritually, nothing seems to fit right. Even if I threw out every single book I own that has something to do with "enlightenment", it wouldn't help. I have one of those unfortunate in this case, minds that remembers just about everything I have read. I guess there needs to be some memory loss for me to move on to where I want to be.
This post is about me confronting my own struggle head on, in the open. Now where to ? I just want to be settled, have so many doubts removed. All I want is to live a committed Christian life without all the doubts and without feeling rebellious. Humble submission is a phrase that makes me feel so uneasy, but yet I know its what I need.