The Poor Neglected Blog

Been neglecting the blog a bit lately....a couple reasons I suppose. Decorating the living room, which has involved more shopping then I normally do and some painting, and frankly I have been spending time thinking about my life and my goals for the new year and what has been holding me back in life.

There is a big part of me that finally feels free from living in the shadow of fear. I am not talking about the big crippling fear but the nagging in the back of your head kind, the kind that goes un-noticed for much of your life until you sit down and think about it. I have had the fear of

getting it "wrong" in regards to how I feel about God and my religious life, notice I mentioned religion and not spiritual life, to me they are two different species. One is man made and the other something deep within us that if we ignore, we try to feed that empty spot with just about every vice known to man. It could be shopping, eating, collecting, over indulgence of pets, drugs, alcohol and on and on. Fear is a strong motivator. Sometimes we feel afraid no one will like us unless we are "amazing" at no less than 10 different things. Sometimes we feel afraid of rejection so we never say "no" when we are asked to do things. Others are so afraid of being insulted, and knocked down a notch or two that they quickly say negative things about themselves, hoping to never give anyone else the opportunity. And then there is the fear of being "invisible" so we go through life making "wow" statements with what we say, how we dress, the way our kids are dressed, how many hobbies we have, how many things we own, the way our house looks and the kind of car we drive. Even living the old fashioned homestead life can have fear behind the motivation, fear of "what if the world falls apart" sort of thinking that drives you to know all sorts of ways to live if we no longer had technology due to some major earth event that drives us to flee to the mountains and live as if it was 1611. Or we can be so fearful of modern technology that we run from it.

maintain an honest fear that we had better do a better job at taking care of this old earth, and that's a good fear I think. Keeps me seeking to step more gently and watch my "footprints".

Fear is a lousy motivator, it gives nothing in return but more of the same and it never builds inner strength or peace.

In the last week or so, I have been casting off lots of life's little fears, including the fear of "what if I get it wrong" in regard to how I understand who and what God is and what He wants from me.

Its really so simple, love God, and love others. The "do unto others as you would do unto yourself" concept, really takes care of everything. Its the hardest part of a spiritual life to be nice and kind all the time, no motives, no agenda, no thought of a reward.

My way of understanding who and what God is, is certainly not of the cookie cutter variety. I believe in wisdom as wisdom no matter who wrote it. If its a truth, its a truth ! I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and have seen it work over and over and over. I don't see it as contrary to Gods laws. But I do know that lots of folks do so have been fearful of saying too much about it, don't like conflict. I am kicking that fear to the curb too.

Joined Weight Watchers yesterday, no more fear of failing or fear of victory. All this is tied together to me with the decorating in a whole new style. It feels good. I am still who I was last month, last year and yesterday, but just freer. Life is good. I am with Oprah in thinking 2009 is the year I am gunna get it all figured out.