Changes for me, in so many ways

It's hard to explain, actually its hard to even define, but something profound has taken place in my life since changing the living room. I suppose it would be possible to look for deep psychological reasons for the change in the way I feel after "tossing out" the past and stepping up to the contemporary, but for now, I will settle for looking at the outcome.

I went shopping the other day with Emery and saw so many beautiful things at HomeGoods, a store that usually has me wanting a zillion things, but instead I came out of the store without one item. There were two items I wanted but they were on the high end of the price scale and we opted to wait until all the painting was done before we purchase them. A piece of artwork for over the sofa and a huge mirror for another wall in the room. But the point for me was, that for the first time in maybe 30 years of having a home, I feel satisfied with just what I have. The sparse decorating feels so good and so balanced that there is no place, no room for one more thing. It feels complete. Just right. I even went to Goodwill and came out of the store with nothing, instead of a bag full of trinkets. In the past I was always looking for that one more item that would add to the room in some way, but would almost always end up collecting dust or in two weeks time blended so into the environment that I forgot about them.

In some strange way, decorating more modern is a step beyond living in fear of the now, the world we live in. Living old fashioned for me was like a statement of not being content with the time and place God put me in. Wanting to do things the way Grandma did them was connected to a place within me that said, I don't like where I am now, wish I was living in a different time.

Some of the way we lived was fear motivated, not the shaking in your boots kind of fear but the "what if ?" kind of fear. What if the world fails and we need to be able to make our own soap, or spin our own wool, or grow our own food and make our own shoes ? That certainly has roots in my religious training as a kid in a private school system where you hear all the time about "the time of the end" and "fleeing to the wilderness when the Sunday Laws come".

Then in the Mennonite world, technology and modern life is viewed as pulling you into "evil" only its not the things that are evil, it's just we fear our own self, our fear that we can't remain good people when faced with choices.

I have tossed aside all these fears of the "what if's". Most of them never come and we are so capable of figuring out solutions when we need them. At least I feel confident that I can.

I am no longer afraid of the times we live in. If God knows more than we do, which I assume we all believe He does, then I am sure he knows far more about technology than cell phones, computers and television, and how to use them in the correct way. I can't see Him wandering Heaven looking like Moses in the movie. That's a bit out dated, but it is that very view of Him that keeps so many viewing the old fashioned life as the "godly life" and new things as suspicious and perhaps some form of evil. I have had to rethink my own way through this same sort of mindset.

A quick look through history will tell you that sin has been around in every form from the beginning of time despite the lack of modern technology.

Unkindness, living in a self indulgent way, hatred, and the like are in our hearts and have nothing at all to do with how we dress, how old fashioned we appear or if we have a television or not. I had to realize this by taking the bold step of re-fashioning my life and my surroundings.

By tossing out the fear and all its trappings. I have never felt more at peace, more content. I am done trying to get the "wow" factor by being able to do so many old fashioned things.

I remember dressing "plain" and getting so much attention that I didn't ever have to be concerned with what was really on the inside. Even being a fat plain person is fine, everyone just assumes you are fat because you are an amazing baker so it makes sense to them. So folks smile and say to themselves, "ah she must be a wonderful cook." when really fat is fat and comes from eating too much and we eat too much to feed something that is eating us inside, which kinda makes you wonder what is out of order in our hearts. With all this fear gone, I am loosing weight, 5.2 lbs this week alone.

Now before you get ticked off for something I wrote, remember that I am writing here about MY experience and not any one elses. I just know that for me, tossing out the fear and all its trappings has given me more than I could have ever imagined.

Life is good.