An Honest Morning Ramble

At times I write a blog post to share some aspect of my life, and other times I am just organizing my thoughts more for myself than for an audience.  This post fits in the latter category.  
As I grow older, one thing is certain, I find myself acting more purposefully.  Each action or non action as the case may often be, is to reach closer to the goal.  To make sure each step counts and is in the direction of where I want to go.  My goal is a simple one.  To live with a purpose, and that purpose is to be a good person.  Kind, loving, slow to being provoked, careful in my thoughts and actions.  Living simply and happily.  This morning, at breakfast with Emery, our conversation was so pleasant, comfortable friend talk, no need to defend a certain outlook or opinion.  We know what we each believe and stand for, even in the areas where we might share a slightly different opinion.   We sat together on the east porch, sipping tea, eating our eggs and toast and talking about all the plans we have and all the joys we share.  I mentioned to him something about how I think that maybe there was something to the Victorian mindset that women not discuss politics and inflammatory subjects.  For me, it seems those subjects take me away and not towards the kind of older woman I want to be.  I want to be the kind of woman that you just know by the way she lives her life and the things she does, that you can assume how I might believe about a subject.  If something is morally wrong or self serving, then I want you to know from my words of kindness and behaviors that I would not agree with them.  I want you to know from my tenderness that I would not think violent crime should be tolerated.  That my beliefs be so well observed by those who know me, that you would be certain I would rather see charity than hard nosed actions.  When I mentioned this to Emery, he said, "I can see value in that Victorian sort of mindset.  When I come home from work, I love to hear your pleasant conversation rather than hear a political discourse after a day of hearing everyone else tell me what is wrong with society.  Maybe I am old fashioned, but I love coming home to peacefulness and kind words.  I know how you believe, how you think about war, guns, violence, and helping your fellow man"  I love coming home to the softness of your heart"   My grandchildren and children also need and want that softer side to come to.  The modern world is full of status updates that try to change the world and they do.  Its not a bad thing, its just not my thing right now.  My desire is to be full of peace as I grow older, to be that soft shoulder to lean on but to be strong in my convictions that lead to a simple and uncomplicated life that allows me to see the beauty around me, build inner strength through a deep walk with God that makes me a pillar of strength when called upon to be.  Not to bury my head in the sand, but not to be the one to shout from the mountain top, or is it now, shout from the status updates, that we must fight to change everyone elses mindset to ours.  I am a grandmother, and I love that.  I want to be the one my family comes to for prayer, for wisdom, to find confidence that things do work out in the end, somehow or another.  I want to build a legacy of compassion and kindness, not hard nosed thinking.  I want to be the one that wears ruffles, rather than creates them.  I want to be the woman that removes the thorns from the roses rather than takes the roses for myself and gives the thorns to those around me.  I want to encourage those around me rather than discourage them.  I want to soften the blow of the hard things that happen in the world around those I love, rather than have them say..."don't tell mom or grandmother about that, she will be furious".  We have different stages to life and as we age, we should become like sages, not live in rages.   My thoughts for me this morning.  We are all different and have different journeys.  My journey, to be less confrontational, less hard nosed, less vocal in opinions, more open to nurturing, more compassionate, less needing to prove what I think, has to be heard.  My journey is to become that woman with a meek and humble spirit.