Inspiration

This past Sunday morning I was sitting on the sofa, head in hands, complaining to Emery that I was feeling uninspired. "I need to be inspired" I kept saying to him and God love that man, he has the patience of a saint and the wisdom of Solomon, he just asked me calmly, "what can I do to help ?" and I was still in my woe is me sort of mood, feeling uninspired about my life. To be fair on myself here, I have a rather, artistic sort of temperament, which really is a comfortable way of saying that at times I feel led more by the mood of the moment than by reason. Such was Sunday morning. I felt fat, (well I am) and I felt bored with the meals I have been making, and I wanted to transform the house in an instant into a well matched chic country home. And at the same instant I wanted to be thin, chic and wear what I wanted, not just what sort of hid what I was trying to hide ! I wanted to go someplace that would inspire me to get my inspiration back...inspiration to live more vibrant....You can imagine this conversation had my sweet gentle man looking a bit confused. "What exactly is it you are wanting ?" was the expression he wore. Hard to explain something you can't quite understand yourself ! Having an empty nest makes you feel a little undefined at times and I think this is a bit where I am coming from. I am busy, my life is full and I love it, but there are times when I just don't feel well defined as a person. Even this homestead life feels a bit like my worn out sneakers that I wear to do chores. Old and not really serviceable any more. Simple living is a deep part of who I am, but farming feels not quite right for me now. I guess with the children gone and our responsibilities so different, I am thinking about heading in a different direction....you know they say, we don't regret what we have done as much as what we didn't do, and I am nagged by that thought. Emery and I have money to do as we please, and the opportunity to do it, what if we are suddenly old and regret that we didn't head off to this place or that place that we have always wanted to see ? We never had a honeymoon and maybe now is the time to take it, not be so tied to a farm life that never lets us be gone longer than 12 hours at a time. Maybe now is the time to have those long leisurely drives in the countryside, complete with a romantic picnic at some gorgeous spot, without having to worry about feeding the animals or feeling like we should have spent the entire day working in the garden. This doesn't mean I want to give up simple living, just redefine it a bit to fit with where we are in life at this moment.

I saw the movie Julie and Julia yesterday with Melanie and it inspired me...there were pieces of me in both characters. I have always had a fondness for Julia Child, we share the same birthday and this movie was just what I needed this week. It even inspired me to cook more and embrace the joy of cooking. I have seen just about 4 movies in the last 40 years at a theater. I have to admit that sitting in one place for over 2 hours is not an easy thing for me. I see on average I guess, one movie a decade in a theater. Julie and Julia is one I would go see again. I loved it. I laughed, I sighed that sort of "oh I so understand" sort of sigh and felt good when I came out of the theater.

I am even planning on dusting off my own copy of Julia's book and working through some of the recipes. Life is not stagnant, it changes and change is good. I feel inspired once again.