Wandering the Wilderness for 40 Years

There have been many times I thought about the Israelites wandering the wilderness for 40 years on a journey that should have taken much less time.  It was only a 240 mile journey after all.   I have often mused that the journey was not a measure of time or distance but one that involved emotional baggage.  It took that long for some folks to dump the junk they carried and for others it ended up their death sentence that they could not put the past behind them.  They cherished things they shouldn't have and those things kept them from the promised land.      Earlier in the week I was reading something on the web about finding our authentic self and as I read it, I was struck with something...our authentic self according to this definition was indeed exactly what Christ tells us we should be as believers.  This definition was exactly the sum of the words Jesus spoke when he said "unless we become as little children".   It went on to explain how our authentic self feels peace, no fear and no anxiety.   That sounded very familiar to me....Psalm 119:165 "Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble."  We have only to look as far as the words of the Beatitudes to see that we are not to fear or be anxious because this loving Father of ours is more than willing to raise us in pure love, without any parental mistakes.  Perfect love, the kind that casts out any fear.      I read further in this information regarding finding your authentic self that we need to forgive those who have wronged us in order to arrive at this place of peacefulness.  We need to see ourselves as beautiful and whole.  We need to put the past behind us.  See ourselves as wonderfully made.   We need to dump all the attitudes that are not good for us, dump the behaviors that are not working for us and to see life not as a wounded child, but as an adult.   This is sounding mighty familiar to me and I start to realize that I have been walking the same walk as the Israelites.  Wondering the same road over and over, looking for a new route, an easier one perhaps.  I have been passing by those same landmarks over and over, too caught up in the destination to see what the journey is all about.   I am not ashamed to admit my shortcomings, after all, everyone sees them clearly anyway.   I read these verses this morning with the authentic self search in mind.   Colossians 3: 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
It is the very directions I have been looking for.  It was in front of me for the past 40 years and I knew it well, but wanted to find out if there was more, if there was another way.  Find out why I wasn't finding the results I wanted to find.  I wanted to make a simple journey a long drawn out one for some reason.  The recipe seemed old and worn out and to be honest I knew very few folks that had the level of inner peace I seek.  Plenty of folks knew how to talk the talk but not to walk the walk and I guess I am looking for something tried and true.  I thought a lot about how National Geographic did a study on happiness in the brain and concluded that Tibetan Buddhist monks had the best happiness brain waves.  Why not Mr Big Preacher who shouted peace, love and brotherhood from his pulpit each week ?  Why was it not the congregation of plain folk down the road ?   Why was it not the lady that is telling everyone she will pray for them when trouble hits ?  How come those folk didn't come up the happiest people in the world ?  After all, that road should give us perfect peace, life without fear and anxiety.  The Tibetan monks have their troubles.  They have family members get sick, they have complete poverty.  They own no McMansion in the subs.     So you see, my journey in the wilderness was looking for a sign that someone out there has arrived at this level of peace and harmony we read about.  Lots of words to describe it in all spiritual traditions and modern psychology.    For me, it seems I have made a loop around it all in this journey of mine.   Inner peace is not elusive, but it does take work.  Lots of it.  Its not found in reciting texts or handing out trite sayings that sound good but in reality are quite hollow, not because the words are hollow, but because the person saying it, is not walking the walk and we all see it by the fruit their life bears.  Inner peace means going down to the core of our being and seeing that authentic self for what needs to be changed in us.  Seeing clearly the person God made and then dumping all the junk we tried to add to that.  The hypocrisy, the anger, the stupid fears, that include all the "what if's" and pride that makes us never wants people to see us as we really are.   We need to just dump the layers that hide the light that should shine from us.  So, now that I know I too have been wandering for the last 40 years in the same small area, looking for the promised land and not seeing that its right in front of me, a little bit further down the way, too bogged down with the heavy baggage I choose to hold on to, that blocks my vision.  The next step awaits me.   The question....am I willing to leave all that junk I have been hauling around with me and discover that I never needed it anyway ?