Summer Sunshine

The air is already heavy with summer heat and its long before noon time.   The clothes on the line dry faster than if they had been put in a clothes dryer.   The sky is cloudless.  The air still.    I hurry with my outside tasks, its just too hot and I am no fan of heat, preferring the cold any day.   I am a lover of winter after all.  Last night sitting on the sofa with Emery something occurred to me.   I have been searching for my authentic self in earnest for a couple weeks now...heading backwards in time to find all the details in my childhood that have given me baggage, which to me seemed to be the very thing that covered up my authentic self.  And in part there have been things that have done just that and now in my late 50's I have time to make all these discoveries and heal the hurts, build on the strengths, and connect more deeply to my spiritual beliefs.  When you are raising a family, they come before long hours of introspection.  That is the way it is.  With my responsibilities lessened and more time on my hand then ever before, I have time to work out the meaning of life as it applies to me.   Now back to sitting on the sofa with Emery....one of the reasons I fell so in love with this man over 30 years ago, was that I could be me with him.  No games ever.  Not even on our first date.  No pretending to be anything.  And I can say its been that way through all the years.   With Emery I am my authentic self.   When I told him my thoughts about this last night, he smiled and said, "I have been telling you this for years" and he has been, but not with my lingo.  When I want to buy new more "chic" clothes, he just smiles and says, "but you are my flannel shirt and jeans girl"  and in no time the new fancy stuff is just sitting in the closet and the tee shirts and jeans are what calls to be worn.   Our authentic self is simply the who we are when we are not playing social games, whatever form they take.  Be it trying to be long skirts and homestead like or when we try to keep up with the Joneses.  If its not the real us, its just a game.   We may be those things for real, which is fine, but remove the baggage of trying to be those things for the wrong reasons and we are being fake and that's exhausting for the soul and spirit.   I know I act certain ways because of insecurities and I know I react sometimes due to childhood truths that are no longer true.  Those actions and reactions are the things I want to work on, so that I am comfortable being me at all times and in that, gain a freedom to blossom into the human being I was meant to be.  To give my purpose in life fertile ground to grow.  To walk the trails and see more of the beauty that surrounds me every day.  To have eyes wide open at all times.  To hear that small still voice inside of me with greater clarity.  To gain a peace that is unmovable, even when life is difficult.   To see all everyone as they are, souls walking around in bodies that are no more than a kind of wrapping.  Inside we are all wonderful amazing balls of energy that holds the spark of life.   This is what the journey is all about.  So thankful to God for allowing me time in my life to dig deep into the meaning of life, my life, all of life and see more clearly all the wonder of where I am at any given moment.