Monday..."Consider It Pure Joy"

For decades I have always said that James 1:^{2 "}Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴ Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  is my favorite verse.   I have known trials of many kinds and knew without a doubt that God would work some good from it.  I always knew in my heart that God never caused the hard things in my life, they were just the results of living in an imperfect world.  Yet, I also understood I could learn from them.   It never was that God was a hard taskmaster, pushing lessons on us just for the sake of teaching us something, but He was always there beside me, gently comforting me, and like any good parent, hoping I would take the hardship and see a lesson of life in it.   This past month with Mei-Ling so sick, no more answers today then there were a couple of weeks ago.  Its beyond heart breaking to see a beautiful innocent child wracked with pain and discomfort.   Its simply impossible to find joy in this situation, even if it tests my faith to the umpteenth degree.   I know God has the ability to raise the dead, create worlds, do anything He wants to.  I know He can and could make Mei well.  He could and can show the Doctors what is causing the problem.   What I don't understand is why he hasn't yet done so.  He loves her more than I do, which is impossible to grasp, since I love her so much, like grandmothers love the children of their children.  Yes, I know, we are not privy to Gods thoughts and actions.  I get that, but I don't like that He is allowing this to happen to a kind, sweet, loving little 5 year old.  I am not loosing faith, don't worry about that.  I am not looking for spiritual guidance in this matter, I am simply saying how I feel.  My emotions feel raw and on the surface.  I have been here before with my own daughter when she was 7.  At the time I felt just like this.  Its a repeat of sorts, a repeat of a nightmare.  What I have learned though, is its not all about me.  The picture is much bigger.  There is a war going on and sometimes I forget that.  A war between good and evil.  A battle where the enemy plays with no rules, nothing seems off limits to him.  Job found that out.  
The joy may just be found in knowing that although the battle is a nasty one, the outcome is known.  We know who the winner is...just wishing there were no hostages taken.


Mei is out of PICU and doing better, but we are praying that they find out how to stop this from happening again.  Her little body is worn out.