Thursday, June 30, 2011

A soulmate

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. "
 ~ Richard Bach ~

So glad I found my soulmate so long ago and said yes to the right one

Summer Sunshine

The air is already heavy with summer heat and its long before noon time.   The clothes on the line dry faster than if they had been put in a clothes dryer.   The sky is cloudless.  The air still.    I hurry with my outside tasks, its just too hot and I am no fan of heat, preferring the cold any day.   I am a lover of winter after all.  Last night sitting on the sofa with Emery something occurred to me.   I have been searching for my authentic self in earnest for a couple weeks now...heading backwards in time to find all the details in my childhood that have given me baggage, which to me seemed to be the very thing that covered up my authentic self.  And in part there have been things that have done just that and now in my late 50's I have time to make all these discoveries and heal the hurts, build on the strengths, and connect more deeply to my spiritual beliefs.  When you are raising a family, they come before long hours of introspection.  That is the way it is.  With my responsibilities lessened and more time on my hand then ever before, I have time to work out the meaning of life as it applies to me.   Now back to sitting on the sofa with of the reasons I fell so in love with this man over 30 years ago, was that I could be me with him.  No games ever.  Not even on our first date.  No pretending to be anything.  And I can say its been that way through all the years.   With Emery I am my authentic self.   When I told him my thoughts about this last night, he smiled and said, "I have been telling you this for years" and he has been, but not with my lingo.  When I want to buy new more "chic" clothes, he just smiles and says, "but you are my flannel shirt and jeans girl"  and in no time the new fancy stuff is just sitting in the closet and the tee shirts and jeans are what calls to be worn.   Our authentic self is simply the who we are when we are not playing social games, whatever form they take.  Be it trying to be long skirts and homestead like or when we try to keep up with the Joneses.  If its not the real us, its just a game.   We may be those things for real, which is fine, but remove the baggage of trying to be those things for the wrong reasons and we are being fake and that's exhausting for the soul and spirit.   I know I act certain ways because of insecurities and I know I react sometimes due to childhood truths that are no longer true.  Those actions and reactions are the things I want to work on, so that I am comfortable being me at all times and in that, gain a freedom to blossom into the human being I was meant to be.  To give my purpose in life fertile ground to grow.  To walk the trails and see more of the beauty that surrounds me every day.  To have eyes wide open at all times.  To hear that small still voice inside of me with greater clarity.  To gain a peace that is unmovable, even when life is difficult.   To see all everyone as they are, souls walking around in bodies that are no more than a kind of wrapping.  Inside we are all wonderful amazing balls of energy that holds the spark of life.   This is what the journey is all about.  So thankful to God for allowing me time in my life to dig deep into the meaning of life, my life, all of life and see more clearly all the wonder of where I am at any given moment. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The New Journey

For quite some time I have promised myself that by the time I turn 60 I will have discovered a level of peace that feels epic to me.   My action, my thoughts, and my desires will reflect attaining a level of contentment that is deep, not easily shaken and I will be my authentic self, which at this point in life I am not even sure what my "authentic self" even looks like.  After a lifetime of being a chameleon, changing to fit what I perceive as the expectations of others, I need to discover the core of me.  I decided that my 57th birthday in August will be the start date for this in depth journey.  Reclaiming the part of me that was lost somewhere along the way and strengthening the part of me that caves in from time to time in order to satisfy the need to please monster.  

Friday, June 24, 2011

Are We Living In End Times ?

Another big earthquake !  Last night before bed, I saw on the news that a strong 7.4 shook parts of Alaska.   My first thought was Matthew 24:6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.   Then I was reminded of how many times I have thought about this verse in the past 2 years or so.   In a moment, I felt fearful.  I don't want the world to end.  I want to see my great grandchildren and grow old together with Emery.   In truth, that moment of fear came also from worry that I am not ready.  Yes, I know, its not by our acts that we are saved.  Got that, but I do think our actions or probably more important, our lack of good actions, play a part in how we will be judged.   I think end times come in every ones life anyway.  We die and that's the end for us.  These world events that send a shiver of uncertainty through us are good, they serve to make us look at our lives.  What is important to us, a new kitchen or is it something far more life changing, building a school in a third world country or helping to provide medications for someone in need.  Perhaps buying life changing books for an afternoon school program.   It reminds us that there is a difference between need and want.  What I want, is not always something I need.  It reminds us that peace in our hearts is the most precious possession we can ever have.  These earth shaking's and disasters remind us we are not in control of everything and even the smallest level of OCD is futile.  It reminds us that our loved ones are gifts, priceless gifts that are tied to our hearts by cords of love.  The world around us with all its chaos and strife do not have to be part of our lives.  We can choose to live differently, choose to just view all the hurried pace out there, can be seen separated from our lives, as if we are just viewing the craziness outside the window of our peaceful existence.  I remember feeling that way when we were part of the "plain" world.  The "world" seemed separated from my life.  Its not a bad feeling.  So, if we are living in the End Times,  we can still find peace and lay all worry and concerns about that at the feet of the Master, for Him to take upon His shoulders for us.  We can still embrace peace and joy and contentment in a world that is so full of conflict. 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My List

Life is short...don't wait to do the things you want to or the things you should do.

Don't wait to get healthy, do it now, your life will be richer for it.
Don't wait to mend fences that can be mended and don't put off cutting ties that need to be cut.
Don't hang on to things that bring you down.
Don't let "what if's" keep you from trying.
Don't make excuses.
Imagine the positive.
Imagine what it will feel like to accomplish a goal.
Imagine what life can be for you.
Take steps daily that will get you to the place you want to go.
Walk more
Listen more

Emery hiking

Peace Within

We live in a world full of chaos and instant everything. I found myself so frustrated the other day when information was taking a bit longer to load on my smart phone then it usually does. It was a matter of a minute or so. I stopped myself in my frustration and reminded myself that not so long ago, smart phones didn't exist and I survived just fine. I reminded myself how slow and limited my first P.C. was way back in 1988. Everything was done through DOS and the monitor had three display colors for most programs...White, turquoise and purple, yet, we enjoyed it for what it did that had not been done before in our lives. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and realize, instant everything is not the only way to live. This morning, I decided to not turn on the computer first thing this morning, but instead chose to walk out the back door, head to the rose garden, sit in the far corner at the little cafe table we have there and just watch the sprinkler do its job. I watched the world around me with open eyes and a free mind. I saw the miracle of creation in every direction. I heard my own breath in the silent moments when the birds took a break from singing their morning praises. I felt the warm sun and laughed at how wet I got myself when I decided to move the sprinkler a bit, seizing that moment to enjoy that childlike feeling of running through the water on a hot summer morning. I had time to pray, openly and wholly and without feeling pressured that there are things waiting for me to do, or feeling that uncertainty that the phone might ring, and steal this moment in time that cannot ever be recovered fully. There are times when I so wish I had been born 100 years before I was. I seem to fit that era better, but God choose the time of my birth and He does know best, but in my mind it just seems better to have lived in a time when there were more natural demands made on us. Planting, harvesting, seasons for things, well defined parameters. When there were not so many blurred lines in ethics. All this aside, for the truth is I live in this age, this time period, this present world, there remains the fact that for all of us, we can in all circumstances make the choice to have peace within. Faith that there is in control a higher power that will lead us down the right road, to the right place, with the right people, if we listen. If we stand still long enough to wait for the answer. At times the answer comes at a slower pace than we would like, much like my smart phone at times. We are impatient, self serving and ingrained with the idea that independence is always strength. Its not. I know being dependent on God is a greater strength for me personally. My independence always seems to be tainted with rebellion...the "do it my way" mentality and in a flock of sheep, that's not what the shepherd wants to see.
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Felted Water Bottle Holder

When I was in Austin, at the Juniper Tree Store, I found this wonderful Malabrigo yarn called Kaleidos. I knitted it up into a long bag with a strap, with the idea of felting it to be a water bottle holder. I am very happy with the results. Now onto a new project....wonder what it will be !

Monday, June 20, 2011

Living in the Present...with simplicity

It is a magnificent day to be alive, to breathe in fresh air, to smile at another human being, to know you are in control of your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams. To laugh, to have shelter, and best of all, to be loved and love. The day is an ordinary one, but still so full and complete. A trip to the health food store for nuts and raw local honey. Stopping by Emery office to bring him some home made rye bread I made for him. On the way home, a visit at Melanies house to see the grandblessings. Both came running to me, "mimi, mimi" and then smothered with hugs and kisses. What could be better than this ? Love at every turn. The sight of gray clouds off to the west bring a bit of hope for some much needed rain and perhaps cooler temps. We have been over 100 for several days. In summer in Texas, we hibernate. Its my time for pulling out the knitting and wool for crafts. Sitting by the air conditioner. Soft music playing. Patrick Ball playing the Celtic Harp. It is this very moment in time that I chose to be in and enjoy the simplicity of my life.

today I felted a little blue bird for the children to play with when they visit, along with the other toys we have made for them. While in Austin, I visited the Waldorf School's Juniper Tree Store, (hyperlink is not working for me right now) and found this sweet little wooden owl in the last photo. Perfect addition to the gnome tree house !

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Beauty of Being Home

I was reminded of this quote this morning and how I love it..."I believe we would be happier to have a personal revolution in our individual lives and go back to simpler living and more direct thinking. It is the simple things of life that make living worthwhile, the sweet fundamental things such as love and duty, work and rest, and living close to nature. There are not hot house blossoms that can compare in beauty and fragrance with my bouquet of wildflowers".~Laura Ingalls Wilder~

The girls and I had a wonderful time together in Austin. Melissa had 5 interviews in a matter of a couple days and had job offers on the spot from all but one, and that one said they could not hire until July but that not for her to worry about not getting the job. She took a job, and it seems perfect for her. We had such a nice time, chatting, being silly, swimming, shopping, and of course eating. With all the fun we had, we were all happy to be back in our homes, and able to once again sleep in our own beds. I love being home. Its the place where I can meander around, be surrounded by the things I enjoy in life and the place where contentment is ever present. Its the place where the simple life wraps me up like a warm woolen shawl on a bleak December morning, and hugs my soul. It will be wonderful to have all my children back in Texas again. Melissa and James should be all settled here by the end of July. Life is good.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mini Road Trip

Tomorrow I will be driving down to Austin to see Melissa. She is there for some job interviews and has tomorrow after 2 free so we are hitting the town Wednesday night then I will take her to the airport on Thursday morning, then I will head on home. Planning on doing some shopping for Christmas at the Waldorf School store while I am down there and may stop at Homestead Heritage on the way back. Looking forward to the trip. Wish Melanie was able to go with me, but this is a busy trip that will include apartment looking etc. and the children would not enjoy it. Melissa has had two interviews, one yesterday and one today and already has been offered two jobs. The interview today ended with them asking her to work there and yesterdays interview resulted in a call 2 hours after the interview, asking her to work there. She has a few more interviews then the difficult part comes in choosing which job she takes. We are so happy that she and James will be moving back to Texas. We miss them so much and its hard to spend holidays apart and go many months in between visits. How blessed we are to be close and enjoy spending time together. It will seem a bit strange tomorrow heading off on my own. I am so used to doing everything with Emery, but I love to drive and love a good adventure. Praying the traffic is light and that there are no crazy folks on the road when I am. Have my suitcase packed. CD's picked out for my listening pleasure and have picked out the Starbucks along the trail ! Life is good.

My grandfather holding my uncle and my mother to his side, ready for a road trip.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Goat Tears (Thera-Gesic 60 sec)

This is the best commercial I have seen in a long time. You gutta love goat ladies. I am so proud to be one.

Grogeous Morning

Loving Life

Each morning we wake with a golden opportunity to welcome the new day with open arms. To embrace life with a glad heart simply because we are alive and can pull from the day something wonderful, if we look for it. This morning, it amazes me how the sunshine and shadows dance about in the wind as the breeze sends the branches, now so full of leaves, this way and that way. I am in awe of the myriad of bird songs and the beauty of seeing the parent cardinals care for their young in the nest right outside my window, in the crepe myrtle. I cannot help but find joy in the wonders of creation, Gods most perfect gift for us. The flowers in bloom, meeting the needs of our senses. Colors, scents, shapes and sheer beauty. I don't need much beyond 4 walls to keep me safe from storms and cold but I do need natures beauty all around me. I need to feed my soul with the smell of fresh air, fluffy clouds drifting across the sky above me, bird song and the soft coolness of grass heavy with dew on my bare feet. I don't need fancy things in my home or stacks of magazines to show me what I should have, I am surrounded by the very things God gave to his first children in the Garden of Eden. Natures beauty and bounty and a heart that is so full of love that it makes me want to fall to my knees in gratefulness. I love life !

Thursday, June 09, 2011

We Have A Week-end Guest

This week-end we are blessed to have the company of a smart, sweet natured little one stay with us. Mommy and Daddy are on a well deserved weekend away so Mei-Ling is staying with us until Sunday. What fun we are having ! Grandchildren are such a blessing.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Happy Birthday Melissa

There are a few days in my life that have been so amazingly wonderful and life changing, the day I married, the days my daughters were born and the day we adopted the boys. Today we celebrate the birthday of our oldest. Melissa was born 31 years ago today, just as the sun was setting over Spot pond, which I could see out the window of the birthing room. The beauty of the moment was enhanced by the gorgeous sunset. What a blessing this child has been to us and continues to bless us each and every day with her love and kindness. In this hurried world where so many relationships are fractured, I feel so blessed to be close to my children, and to call them my friends, along with being mother to them. We am so proud of them, so happy to see the joy that fills their lives. So today, I celebrate all the joy that is wrapped up in the beautiful daughter we call Melissa. Happy Birthday Melissa !

Oh What A Beautiful Morning!

woke up singing this song !

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

The Beauty of The Morning

Sunshine, golden rays falling on the dew soaked grass. Leaves glistening with bits of moisture that helps to nourish them. Birds of all sorts singing their morning songs. Squirrels leaping from roof top to tree tops, chattering away at anything and everyone. Emery working silently on the fence line, bent over behind the asparagus ferns, so tall they hide him except for his white tee shirt. The ducks eating mud left in the places I have watered this morning. The chickens hunting bugs, natures pest control for the garden. The balance of nature clearly seen in every day life on our little homestead. A six foot snake discovered in the nest boxes of the chicken house, moved on. Eating mice was good, eating eggs, not so good. Dill all in bloom, peaches growing on the trees. Lavender, basil and rosemary scenting the air as the water from the sprinkler hits them. No man made perfume has ever smelled as good. These are the things that make simple living best. Time to wander the land each morning before most folks day starts. Time to enjoy the very things that meet the needs of our senses and that calm us as no chanting meditation could. It is this simple experience that nourishes the soul so completely that we feel content. Satisfied and refreshed for another day, grateful for the miracle of life and breath. Life fulfilled.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Family Photos

Emery and I could not help but notice how much his grandmother and my great grandmother look alike in these photos. Having old pictures in the family brings about such a sense of personal history. I was thinking the other day that my grandchildren have photos of not only their parents and grandparents, but of great grandparents, great great grandparents and on further yet to their 5th great grandmother. That is having history !
My great grandmother Emma Heckbert

Emery's grandparents on their wedding day

Thursday, June 02, 2011

I have Not Fallen Off the Face of the Earth

Most of the painting is done. It seems to be taking a long time to do a job that I would at one time do in one day, but life is busy, and the evenings are for relaxing. We have the crown moulding up on most of the room, drapes hung on two windows and I feel very happy that it all looks less formal than I had thought it might. We are not stuffy folks. I would never be happy with things looking like a magazine, its not who we are. Besides its hard to make a wood stove look formal ! I am satisfied with how its turning out, since my kerosene lamps still look fine sitting on the shelf. I fall prey to grandiose thoughts from time to time, but my conscience keeps me in line. There are far more important things in life than having things...that turn into "stuff" in 6 months time. I think its been hard for me to be o.k. with having a few new things in the house, ones that don't fit into the "plain" way of thinking. When I hung my drapes, my first thought was hearing the fist pounding and harsh voice of our old minister telling everyone that even lace curtains are wrong and sinful. Its hard to get past that. Living "plain" stays with you and its not easy to get past without feeling a level of guilt that is hard to explain, hard to push past. Its never that a bible verse or that small still voice convicts me, its just that hard driving, fist pounding minister that I hear. Then I think a bit...well, simplicity does seem most Christ like. I am just thinking out loud here. I am not looking for advice. I guess the best way to explain it, is that I am content and don't need to go any further with changing things in the house. I am a simple living country girl, who will always have dirt on her shoes and under her fingernails.

A New Year

It is a silent sort of morning, sitting next to the wood stove in my rocker, watching the birds outside my windo...